And Lead Us Not
by buddieswithbilis
Summary: ... "I pray that history shall never remember Captain Jack Harkness as the man responsible for the death of Ianto Jones." ... When an accident occurs in the hub the team have to play a waiting game.
1. Chapter 1

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A/N : Neither Torchwood or any of the characters associated with it belong to me ….. I am just very grateful that they exist.

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And Lead Us Not ….

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Prologue

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Today, in writing this report, I pray that my pen may be mightier than any weapon and that my words bear weight sufficient to ensure that their true meaning be carried, unaltered, forever through time.

History has proven itself to be a fickle fellow, allowing truths to be re-written whilst conveniently turning a blind eye as reality has been distorted for one selfish reason after another. And it is therefore with this in mind that I insist that every single one of my words contained herein be accepted as definite and final.

As you read this report I ask only that you carry its content forward and let the details laid out within it be known. And if, in compiling this account today I achieve just one thing, I pray that it may be that history shall never remember Captain Jack Harkness as the man responsible for the death of Ianto Jones.

Signed on this day . Twenty fourth of March, in the year of our Lord, Nineteen Hundred and Eight

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By my own hand

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Ianto Jones. . Torchwood . Cardiff.

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OFFICIAL REPORT

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INICIDENT LOCATION : Torchwood Three. Cardiff. Wales.

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Original Time Line … : Wednesday 24th March 2008

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PAGE ONE

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At this very moment in time, I am quite convinced that at some distant point in the future Miss Gwen Cooper, still very much a fledgling and still innocent in her inability to accept fate for fate's sake, is being wounding and unsympathetic in her condemning of the already self-condemned man.

I say this now to her …

He was not to blame. I am my own man, I make my own decisions and to all intents and purposes I am still very much alive. Therefore your harsh accusations are doomed to be wrong on every single count.

For those that need to know …

Miss Cooper will have history believe that she is correct in all matters. I wish it to be known today, that in this instance, she is most definitely not.

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My dearest friend, Miss Toshiko Sato.

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At this point, I know, she will be deeply saddened by what appears to have happened to me today. Yet, unlike her colleagues, she will remain judgement free. And serenely stoic in the face of her devastation, she will be concerned as much for those left behind as for myself.

I wish to thank her for, in the past, showing such loyalty when she so easily could have refused to further acknowledge even my very existence.

She has proven throughout to be a true friend and I shall miss her.

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My colleague, Owen Harper.

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The unorthodox doctor. Over-looked by his profession in his determination to conceal such true wonders. Yet drowning in a sea of biological knowledge that even the most accepting of his peers would struggle to believe in.

I know for certain that he would have had his say by now, berating our enigmatic 'leader' in his own very loud, very distinctive and crystal clear fashion; his fear disguised by a mixture of both sharp accusation and expletive.

I hope that his predictable reaction to this incident will, in time, be forgiven. He is a genuine person and I am thankful that we did eventually manage to become at least civil with each other.

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It is essentially for these colleagues, my friends, that I am writing this report today.

Do not lay blame. Do not hold the Captain responsible. What happened today was nobody's fault but my own. I am my own man and I make my own choices. And today, I am deeply sorry to say, I chose the wrong option.

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So, without further ado, I shall now explain as briefly as possible my own version of events as they happened.

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PAGE TWO

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The Captain, Jack Harkness; head of Torchwood Three Cardiff, had retrieved an artefact, a globe of sorts and had spared us no detail in describing exactly what the item was originally intended for and in turn what to expect if we came into contact with it.

Crafted on a planet that he couldn't immediately remember the name of, the Captain explained that the crude transportation device had failed in its main objective, that being, to successfully destruct and restructure molecules safely for the purpose of time travel. But that, if used sensibly, the effect it had on the nervous system of a human (and other lower life forms) was to create a sensation very similar to that experienced when using narcotics.

I wish to stress now, that, from the outset, it was made very clear to my colleagues and myself that under no circumstances were we to touch the sphere for more than just a second and on given the opportunity we did only very briefly tap around its edge; with each of us experiencing just a small, but very pleasurable, amount of euphoria.

As Archivist and artefact co-ordinator it was my responsibility to make sure that the item was securely sealed away and filed accordingly with clear warning of its danger.

However, I am now ashamed to say that I allowed myself to be tempted by the idea of discovering what those delights associated with the next level of contact might be.

Jack (Captain Harkness) had joined me in the archives to ensure that I understood properly the importance of not coming into contact with the alien sphere and had warned me on more than one occasion that even in the most extreme of circumstances I should never allow both hands to come into contact with its surround at any one time.

He also explained that his first introduction to one of these globes had been in the nineteen sixties when a musician in the suburb of Grangetown had thought that he might employ it as a cheap alternative to his usual preferred choice of drug. But, unfortunately for him, it failed to remain a cheap option for very long. The man knew nothing of its faulty powers and it swiftly cost him his life.

When I asked the Captain to describe exactly what had happened to the man, he was unable to explain very much. What he did allow me, however, was …. "Let's just say this is a heap of junk, and if you're not careful it could end up taking you to places you really don't wanna go!"

A count on which he was most correct, I might add.

In gleaning all of this knowledge from the Captain I still chose not to heed his warnings and I am ashamed to say that as soon as he made his exit from the archives I took myself from the view of the only security camera for the immediate area and ultimately, in attempting to ease it slowly from its confines in order to allow me to touch it for the two seconds instead of just one, I fumbled, which resulted in the sphere falling and, on reflex, I managed to catch the wretched thing with both hands.

I suppose some could argue that the Captain should have been more vigilant with his warnings of its dangers, or not made light of something that was so obviously such a serious issue. But I say again, I am my own man, I make my own choices, and this time I chose not to listen to my Captain.

I'm afraid that what happened directly after this was something of a blur and on finally managing to focus I discovered that I had become lucid just in time to witness one Miss Alice Guppy loose of a shot which, I have since been told, that in hitting me in the thigh, was only ever intended to render me immobile and was by no means ever going to be life threatening.

May I just add that Miss Guppy was most insistent that I include that last particular detail and may I also, at this point, take the time to thank her for her assistance in the rather 'flowery' wording of this report.

Carrying on…..

If my memory serves me correctly, the resulting events upon my arrival in this time-line where a little as follows :

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"Who are you? And why are you wearing your clothing so inappropriately tight?"

Although demanding of an answer, I couldn't help but notice that the query was posed with a teasing Scottish lilt.

I had previously read many reports on Torchwood operative Miss Alice Guppy and in being more than aware of her association with her colleague Miss Emily Holroyd I have to say that I was a little surprised to witness the look on her face as she 'ogled' (for there is no other word for it) at my body.

I wish to state now for the record that Miss Guppy was not concentrating on my upper half.

"Ianto Jones." I told her, the pain in my thigh making it difficult to appear wholly in control of myself. "Archivist at the Torchwood Institute Cardiff."

The statement seemed to get her attention. Well, it drew it away from the area of my crotch, anyway.

"You work for Torchwood? Here in Cardiff? Tell me more."

She did, indeed, seem delighted at the idea so I decided to add for good measure. "Yes, I work under Captain Jack Harkness."

Strangely, this extra piece of information seemed not to impress her so much, in fact, I am quite sure that if her face had become any sourer the milk in the jug on the table right next to her would have curdled.

"Gods, I despise both the man and his name!"

Such was her anger that the second bullet hit me square in the shoulder, which consequently began to hurt far more than my thigh.

Eventually, after persuading her that I was in fact nothing like my boss, she agreed to hear me out. And after we had established that another version of him was, right at that very moment in time, actually running around in Cardiff in nineteen hundred and eight, we devised a plan to ensure that, firstly, I managed to avoid creating some sort of catastrophic paradox by bumping into him; revealing snippets of the future, and, secondly, that I might have some sort of a chance of getting back to my own time-line.

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At the time of writing, that plan is now complete and we are in readiness to put the first stage into action. (And as you, whoever you are, appear to be reading this account I can only assume that this part of the plan has actually been successful.)

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In concluding this report, I am addressing the remainder of its content to Captain Harkness directly, for I pray with all of my heart that it may be he that is actually reading this.

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Jack,

As you will already be aware, I employed a temporal-lock to guarantee that this document became known to you at the correct moment in time and you may also have noticed that I added a little something extra, and alien in origin, to ensure that an alert was raised.

Very shortly Tosh should be receiving another of those alerts and, whatever you do, until you receive it, do not let anybody go down into the archives. If all goes according to plan you will realise the relevance of this very soon.

The next message you receive from me will be in the form of a more personal letter. If my rescue is not affected by the correct personnel its contents will continue to remain a security risk, so with that in mind I feel obliged to add that I have not made its retrieval straight forward.

For now, I wish you and the others a safe and successful future and I thank you all sincerely for your love and friendship.

Ianto Jones : Archivist, Field Operative, and loyal servant to his Captain.

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To whom it may concern …..

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If I have failed in my attempt, and this notice has arrived far too late, I ask of whoever is reading this …..

Whatever year you are currently in and wherever you might be ….

Please be aware that Captain Harkness is still out there in the universe somewhere. And it saddens me deeply to think that he may still be blaming himself for something that was not his fault.

If you cannot get this report to him then please let him know of its existence. And I beg of you; please let him know that through all of this my feelings towards him never changed.

I will be indebted to you always if you can do this for me.

Ianto Jones.

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tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

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Apathetic, lacking, irresponsible, inappropriate, selfish, cavalier, pig-headed. All terms cuttingly employed with brutal honesty in the past by Ianto Jones.

There had to be at least another two to go with those, Jack was certain of it. He new he'd been deliberately flippant on several occasions; his sole intention only ever being to incite that Welsh ire in Ianto that he'd displayed just the once before. On that occasion it had been warranted. It couldn't have been the best feeling in the world; knowing that the people you trusted the most wanted to see your girlfriend die.

There was something about an angry Ianto Jones that Jack had found exciting, but to date he'd failed in all attempts to re-arouse such emotions in him.

There was no dark and twisted desire to see him distressed like that again, it was just that anger, that ember at his core that was always on stand-by. It was just another hidden element of this passionate man's nature.

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He could just imagine what the Welshman was thinking about him right now; finding himself trapped in nineteen hundred and eight with Alice Guppy. he'd no doubt be racking his brains for another condemning word to add to his list.

Stupid, would surely be the most likely choice, Jack decided. If only because that was exactly how he felt about himself right now.

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He straightened in his chair and let the report fall onto his desk.

It was all very well Ianto announcing for posterity that he absolved him of all and any blame for what had happened today, but the facts were right there in faded blue and musty yellow. If you read between the lines it stated blatantly that, in deciding to reveal the powers of the device to his team, he'd carelessly laid temptation teasingly right out in front of each and every one of them. So, contrary to what his archivist might have wanted history to believe ….. the entire blame for this could only ever be laid at his feet.

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He'd now read, and re-read, the report from start to finish five times and doubted that doing so for a sixth would help to change very much.

Ianto was still missing, potentially gone forever, and this report, and any consequent letters that they might yet come across, was no certain proof that he was currently still alive. The only thing they could know for certain was that he was still alive at the time of writing them.

One thing he was sure of, though, was that all of this sitting around and just waiting helplessly was making everybody nervous. Even him.

Admittedly, they could have spent the last half an hour running around like headless chickens, but that would just have involved using up precious energy and would have given them no more of a result than they were actually getting from just sitting around and effectively doing nothing.

He could have gone out there barking orders in the exact same fashion as they'd no doubt been expecting him to. But where would that have gotten him? And, anyway,what could he have told them that they didn't already know?

Apart from Tosh keeping a constant check on her screens, there was nothing that any of them could do and asserting his dominance like that would only have increased the resentment that they already felt for him.

He needed them with him, not against him. They needed to remain as a team. For Ianto's sake if nothing else.

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Checking his watch with a sigh he crossed his office and, hoping that the coolness might ease the turmoil beneath it, he rested his forehead on the glass.

"Anything yet, Tosh?" He made sure his plea was loud enough to be heard through the pane.

This was taking the coward's way out, he knew that. But he couldn't face them. He had a pretty good idea of what it was they were all thinking about him and, although none of them had actually come right out with it and accused him of anything yet, he could still tell that they all held him at least partly accountable for this. Even Toshiko.

Normally the first to forgive no matter how badly he'd screwed up, this time her complete humiliation at what she perceived to be her own moment of weakness was making her distant and uncommunicative and he was sensing there was every chance that she might remain this way until they had a more positive sign that her best friend was still alive.

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As he stood there, staring out through the glass, their eyes met.

Hers, although still red-rimmed, seemed to hold a little less bitterness and they creased slightly as she gave a tight-lipped smile that seemed almost apologetic.

"Sorry, Jack. Nothing yet." She told him then looked back down at her bank of screens.

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Sitting on a chair next to her Gwen Cooper sniffed and stared down at her knees. "I can't believe he said all those things about me, Tosh. Am I really that bad?"

She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and chanced a look over at their boss.

On seeing her he shifted awkwardly then edged back a little. He could really do without having her as well as Ianto on his conscience right now.

He didn't like to think of the confusion that must be going on inside of that closed and un-accepting mind of hers, but one thing was for certain, after the way she'd been behaving around Ianto lately she had no right to be playing the little miss hard done by card.

With the situation as it had been lately Jack could only acknowledge that if Gwen and Ianto had been making his life difficult, then he only had himself to blame.

He'd completely deserved the uncomfortable atmosphere they'd managed to create between the two of them; the awkward silences in the boardroom, the frosty stares that they'd been giving each other whenever he'd been in the vicinity. Neither of them had actually admitted to him how they were feeling but they were clearly rivals for his attention and he'd often found it a challenge to keep them both appeased without causing offence either way.

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Right now he knew he'd suffer everything and more if it meant knowing that Ianto was safe. Not just to ease his own guilt, but because he was ready to admit at last, if only to himself, that he needed him around.

Maybe that was selfish, to be thinking only in terms of the loss of a confidante and bedfellow, but he still couldn't be sure himself yet if that was all that Ianto was to him. Okay, yes, it was more than just sex,he could admit that much, but at the moment anything else that might exist between them was far too complicated for him to think about. What he did know was that he needed everything that Ianto was prepared to give him and he needed his reassurances ….. but the most overwhelming notion ... was that he needed him back here with him ….. now.

Shifting awkwardly on the spot he was still aware of Gwen's stare. With what had happened today he finally knew for certain that she would never have been the 'one'. In fact, if he was being honest, he'd wanted a relationship with her about as much as he'd wanted one with that cute barman that still insisted on waiting for him week after week on a Friday night after chucking out time. He still spent hours on end hanging around on the off-chance that the handsome bloke in the coat might show up and want to pound him wordlessly into the wall.

That guy and Gwen, they were both ego boosts and he revelled in the attention that they were both prepared to give him. On top of that he loved that sexual tension that existed between him and Gwen. It was exciting ….. just as long as it remained unexplored.

But just because he'd taken things to the next level with Ianto, it didn't mean that the harmless flirting and teasing with Gwen had to stop. But by the same token it didn't mean that he wanted to run off into the sunset with the woman, either.

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As she continued to stare over at him with more than one question gleaming in those big eyes of hers he knew that he had to keep it together … for her, for Tosh, for Owen ….. and for Ianto.

He wanted to go out there and show them that he was just as devastated as they were, but to show this vulnerable side of him would only lessen their faith in his ability to deal with the situation. And, in their eyes, he was already on very treacherous ground.

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"Shall we just save all the self-pitying for after we get him back, Gwen?" Owen was up on his feet again, pacing angrily up and down as if doing so might bring about the answer to all of their problems.

He wasn't completely stupid. At this present time he thought he might have a pretty good idea of how guilty Jack must be feeling. After all, they were both equally as aware of Ianto's weaknesses when it came to dubious substances, and were therefore both responsible for the situation in that respect.

They'd both had to take turns in sitting with him after the incident with his girlfriend and shortly after that, when he'd come so close to death in Brynblaidd, Jack had spent many an hour retconing all of the suppliers in the Cardiff area that they knew Ianto had been in contact with.

If it had just been a case of him escaping reality for a while it wouldn't have been so bad, after all, they'd all tried either drink or drugs as an answer at one time or another, but that last time; after those bastards had terrified the life out of him in that farmhouse, even Jack had been convinced that he was on a suicide mission, hence the 'round the clock vigils and constant analysis of blood samples just to make sure he was clean.

As his doctor, he'd stopped worrying so much about him a few months ago. The very moment that Jack had come back from his little excursion things had seemed to settle down again.

But for some reason, today, Ianto had felt that need again and, judging by the look on the man's face right now, he'd put money on that moment of weakness having something to do with Jack 'fucking' Harkness. The fucking class 'A' wanker.

That was his official and final opinion. And if the bastard wasn't immortal he'd be advising him that he watch his back very closely for a very long while.

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Aware that he was being watched by Tosh at the very least he chose to ignore the world around him and continued to pace. They could all get stuffed. They didn't have a clue how he was feeling.

None of them, apart from Jack, knew the first thing about him. And if wearing a hole in the hub floor was his way of dealing with things then so what? It was none of their damn business. And they didn't have a clue how he saw his relationship with Ianto so, again, none of their fucking business.

Okay, he'd be the first to admit that he hadn't always seen eye to eye with Ianto; fuck, they hadn't even liked each other at times, but he would always believe that, today, the tea-boy had deserved so much more than the lack of consideration that he'd been shown by his so called boss.

The poor bastard hadn't stood a chance, being left on his own with temptation like that. And now here they were, faced with the possibility that he may be dead.

After all the efforts they'd made in trying to stop him from ending everything himself it was ironic that they'd gone and done the bloody job for him.

It was a fucking waste of life. There was no justice where Torchwood was concerned.

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He tried to ignore Gwen as she turned to face him; her eyes welling up predictably.

She deliberately stared over at him until his conscience gave up the fight.

With a loud sigh he raisied his palms in defeat and attempted to both placate her and get her off his case once and for all. "Okay, Gwen, I'm sorry for shouting at you, alright?"

She stared hard at him unconvinced.

He folded his arms, shrugging in a matter of fact manner at her. "Look, stop making such a big issue out of it. He probably didn't mean anything by it, okay? And I bet you wherever he is, he's just as stressed out as the rest of us. He's not gonna be thinking straight, is he?"

Twitching her nose to the side she sniffed once, noisily, then shrugged back, apparently still not convinced.

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Lips pursed, Jack watched for a second longer as they continued to struggle in their own individual way then turning slowly he crossed the room again to fall back into his chair. Chewing thoughtfully at his bottom lip he began to read the report once again.

He'd been to some God-awful planets in his time, most of them in the far reaches of the most back end of beyond galaxies you could ever imagine. And whilst in these places he'd experienced some really, really strange things (after all, not everything he boasted of was fictitious) but this? This was just ….. bizarre.

One minute Ianto was joking with him down in the archives then literally minutes later the guy was delivering messages to him that at that very same moment in time, a hundred years in the past, he was sitting down and writing to him. ... Bizarre.

Still, he thought to himself and taking no small amount of comfort from the fact, at least they knew for definite what had happened to him. And even if they couldn't get to him right at this very moment, at least they knew that he hadn't been scattered into atoms.

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The first alert from him had come about twenty five minutes after the pair of them had last spoken down in the archives. It was mortifying to think that if they hadn't received it, it could have taken them hours to notice that he was actually missing.

Or more likely until one of them had decided they needed a coffee, he realised ruefully.

They'd immediately traced the disturbance to an old tin covered in cobwebs and dust and lying flat on its back on the highest shelf in the Jo – Ku aisle. Its lid had sprung open and inside they'd found the report from Ianto plus a small laser device that he'd had neither the time or inclination to examine yet.

At that point they'd all realised that Torchwood Three had been rendered temporarily redundant and there was nothing they could do other than wait for Ianto to affect his own rescue.

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He cast his eyes over Ianto's notes again.

He didn't deserve his loyalty, he'd let him down so badly today that no matter what views the archivist held on the matter, he was going to take full responsibility for what had happened to him, in fact, all of them, the whole team, they would always be his responsibility.

Today, in introducing them to the unexpected delights of the faulty transporter, he'd just been showing off and this only made his negligence seem all the more unforgivable.

The most worrying aspect was that not a single one of them had questioned him when he'd encouraged them all to 'experiment'with the sphere. They'd trusted him, accepted his reassurance that it was a just harmless piece of fun and believed him when he'd told them that as long as they followed his instructions they'd be just fine.

In reality he'd known that there was very little about the device that was harmless and now he also knew that he'd shown far too much faith in their ability to follow his instructions. As their leader they should have followed his orders. And as their Captain ….. he should have known better.

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"Jack!"

As Tosh's cry carried over to him he was already on his feet. He'd heard the dull thud along with the rest of them and in a second he was out of his office and on his way over to her.

"Tosh! Incursion?"

Before he could reach her desk she'd already accessed the feed from the archives.

"No." She reassured him. "I've been watching the whole time. The alarm's just a response to another burst of temporal energy and that one …" She cancelled the secondary wailing they could hear. "Is the motion sensors down in the archives. I activated them just after you came back up."

She studied the information on the screen in front of her. "It's on level two this time and you might want to see this."

She snapped a finger down hard on a button to silence the main alarm as she told him. "Like I said, there was definitely another burst of temporal energy but there was this as well…"

"I heard an explosion." He told her moving closer, chancing that she wouldn't be offended by his assumption that it would be okay to invade her personal space.

Seemingly not perturbed by him she nodded her confirmation straight away. "Yes, you're right. But judging from the amount of smoke I'd say it was caused by good old fashioned gunpowder rather than the nitro chemicals we're used to today. And I don't think there was a great deal of damage caused either."

"Is the area safe?" He was getting restless, his attention flicking back and forth between the entrance to the archives themselves and the image on the screen.

"Watch." She told him and her mouth twitched with uncertainty as she waited for his reaction to the new level of excitement in her voice.

"What have we got? Is it him, do you think?" He noticed the change straight away and silently told her she was okay by standing behind her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"No sign of anything positive yet." She tapped at the keys below the screen. "But, there was this."

As she relayed the feed from the previous five minutes Gwen and Owen joined them and all four of them flinched as they saw a hole appear in the wall just behind Ianto's desk; the minimal force of the crude device spitting out just enough bricks to leave a gap roughly two foot square at the most.

"What's that?" Tears forgotten, Gwen pointed to the screen and instinctively all four of them leaned in closer, straining to see the contents of the still smoking hole.

"Can't quite see, but it definitely looks like there's something tucked inside there." Toshiko began to tap at her keyboard again, accessing more information on the air content down there.

Still unsure of how she felt about his part in today's events, Jack grasped lightly at the top of both of her arms. "Tosh, zoom in for me, would you?"

"Sure." Her smile was forgiving as she looked over her shoulder at him then she turned back to bring the image into focus. "Now, to me, that looks like a wall safe with a list of instructions on the front of it. What do you think, Jack?"

All three of them leaned in to her and looked harder as she begged. "It's got to be from Ianto, Jack, hasn't it?"

Jack was already by the archive entrance.

"Jack, I'm coming with you!" Gwen was hurrying over to the weapons cabinet.

"No! You stay here with Tosh and Owen." Jack sent her a look that said this is really not the time to argue. "We don't know what's down there. And if anything else is gonna happen today … it's gonna happen to me, okay?"

As he disappeared into the vaults his voice carried back to them. "Besides, if I need a hand you'll soon know about it!"

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"What's that, Jack?" Gwen's voice sounded over the comms as he stooped to pick something up from the floor.

"It's Ianto's mobile. Well …" He dropped it back onto the floor. "It's what's left of it anyway. He must have used it along with the temporal device to trigger the explosion."

Suddenly intrigued, Owen joined in the conversation. "Would that be his work mobile? Or his own mobile? 'Cause if he's getting a new personal phone I bloodywant one as well."

"Not the time, Owen." Jack's voice was a growl as he stepped closer and running his fingers over the broken bricks left edging the hole.

He peered inside before turning back to take two paces over to Ianto's desk. "Does Ianto keep a torch down here? 'Cause that safe is in there pretty darned deep."

Everything was suddenly quiet as they each realised that they still didn't have a clue what Ianto actually kept down there.

"Ah ha!" After rummaging around in the drawers for a minute he dragged a small torch from underneath some files and turned back to the hole.

"Right, what have we got here, then? It's, nnffff …oh, come on you bast ….. dammit! Hold on." He nudged his shoulder a little further into the opening. "It's quite a way back."

"Well, can you climb in there?"

"Oh, God help us." Owen's voice sounded through the comms. "Gwen, don't encourage him. Aside from the fact that he's now bound to tell us in great detail about how much of a contortionist he is, he's gonna start telling us stories about all the bloody holes he's climbed in to as well."

"And up." Jack added helpfully knowing that all the time he had his back to the camera they couldn't see the smirk on his face.

"Please, people, can we just remember why we're here. We don't know what Ianto wants us to do yet or how much time we've got to do it in."

"Sorry, Tosh, you're right." Owen sounded suitably chastised and shut up.

"Yep, me too. You're right. Sorry Tosh." Jack got back to business. "Now, have you got a pen handy you may need to write this down."

"Yes, Jack, all ready." She sounded quietly pleased as she watched him stretch his right arm deeper into the cavity.

His face turned to the side, his features straining as he tried to get a purchase on the dial to drag the relatively small safe closer to him.

"Okay, there's a clue, you'd better write this down first, Tosh."

"Go ahead, I'm ready, Jack."

He brushed some more brick dust out of the way before telling them. "Right, it's pretty faded but I'm pretty certain the first part says …... the answer you need is the last position I held under the Captain."

"Well, he worked in the archives." Gwen pointed out. "Can you see anything out of the ordinary down there?"

"Gwen, I'm staring into a hole that ten minutes ago didn't exist. Is that out of the ordinary enough for you?"

"Ah, yeah, okay."

As Tosh shot her one of her inscrutable looks Gwen watched him shake his head up at the camera then turn to stare back in at the instructions again.

"Okay, Tosh … ready to write this down?"

"Go ahead, I'm still here." She was waiting, pen poised.

"Add the meaning of life …."

"Forty two." All four voices agreed in unison.

"To the number of years that I. J. has worked for T. W."

Gwen gave an annoyed sigh. Her patience was starting to waiver just a little. "So how long's that then?" She looked sideways. "Tosh? Do you know? And does he mean just here or Canary Wharf as well?"

As she posed the question Jack was already computing the dates from Ianto's file in his head. "Let me see ….. If he was nineteen ….. that's two thousand two ….. to now …. two thousand eight, so ….."

"Six years, Jack, the answer's six!"

The enthusiasm in Toshiko's voice warmed his heart. They were going to be as relieved as each other if they did manage to find Ianto at the end of all this.

"Okay, thanks Tosh. So we have forty two plus six, right?"

"Right." Both women agreed.

Owen contented himself with a grunt and a "Couldn't he have just told you what to do without going through all this bollocks?"

"What's next?" Gwen peered at the screen even though it made no difference to what she could actually see.

"Add together the digits of your favourite year." Jack turned away from the opening and as he faced the camera they could see him looking vacantly into space.

Suddenly a curious smile teased into place and for a second or two he silently mulled things over.

"Twenty one, Tosh, that's the next figure we need. So what does that give us, that's …." He looked up at the camera and grinned. "Sixty nine!"

Tosh widened her eyes then coughed distractedly. "Jack, when Ianto said in his report that this information was a security risk I think he was meaning more for himself than the hub, he's going to have you on decaff for months for sharing this with the rest of us."

"The last position he held under the Captain." Jack nodded wistfully as he remembered that it literally was the last position that Ianto had held under him.

He reached in for the dial and turned it clockwise until it reached the six.

He waited for the soft click then exhaled noisily as Gwen interrupted his concentration. "Come on then, Jack. What was the year, then?"

He sought out the nine. "Tell you what. If you can work out what it is by the time we find Ianto I'll give you the weekend off."

"Oh, for pity's … Gwen, it's got to be nineteen eighty three, the year Ianto was born. Any idiot could have worked that one out."

"Oh, nice one, Owen! And I was looking forward to getting the weekend off as well."

"Okay, Ianto, let's see what deposits you've left for me today." With a grunt Jack edged his shoulder out of the hole and pulled the safe door open as he went.

"Do I have to listen to this, it's obscene."

Owen carried on mumbling to himself as Tosh and Gwen watched Jack reach into the safe. As he came back with a sheet of notepaper and all three of them strained to hear him as he began to read softly to himself.

"Jack, if I don't make it back, I'd like you to hold onto this and try to remember some of the good times."

He looked back inside the safe then paused . "No … not this, Ianto. This is too final. You never give up before it's over, remember?"

"What is it, Jack?"

"Gwen, leave him for a minute. I have a feeling this is supposed to be private." Tosh looked away herself and tried not to think of how utterly powerless Ianto must have been feeling when he'd been doing all of this for Jack.

Jack lifted Ianto's stopwatch from the middle shelf, kissed it once then slipped it into his trouser pocket.

"There has to be something else in there, Jack, we still don't know how to find him." Owen's voice broke the awkward silence and shook him from his daydream.

"Yeah, it's okay, Owen, there's a letter in there as well." As Jack leaned in for a final time he pulled the small envelope out into the open.

"I was expecting this." He told them. "It'll be the instructions he wants me to follow."

He brought it closer and saw P & C . F.A.O. …. Captain Jack Harkness.

"Jack, come on, what does it say? Can we get him back or not?"

"Gwen, for God's sake leave it, will you?" Tosh rounded on her, spitting knives as they stood there glaring at each other.

Jack's voice came through barely loud enough for them to hear. "Give me a minute, okay?"

His face was expressionless as he turned away from the camera.

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What if this was it? What if this was the last message he was ever going to get from Ianto?

"No. You are not giving up now." He told himself angrily before quickly running his thumb under the edge of the fold.

Had Ianto found a way? He wondered, praying silently. There was only one means of getting back that he could think of that didn't involve manipulating the vortex in one way or another.

He quickly pulled the note free to see if his theory was correct and there, right before him, was Ianto's handwriting, neat, and in the same blue ink as before.

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_Jack,_

_First of all I can only apologise for all of the trouble and worry this must have caused you. I never meant for any of this to happen … but, this is Torchwood after all, so what else should I have expected!_

_I can't express how annoyed I am with myself right now and I can't believe that I've done something so stupid and as irresponsible as this. I can only hope that I haven't ruined things for us completely. I'm sorry if you now feel that you've been wasting your time with me; I promise that was never my intention._

_Okay, embarrassing stuff out of the way and on with the plan._

_ If everything has gone as intended you will find me in the morgue and hopefully I am actually still lying there waiting patiently to be defrosted._

_._

_._

Jack grinned as his theory was proved correct. "Oh, good work, Ianto." He'd wondered if he'd remember Tommy.

Lips now moving silently, he continued to read to himself again.

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_The same numerical clue applies to my location but I had to adopt an alias (for obvious reasons). I will refrain from giving this out as I cannot know for certain who will be reading this note._

_I still have the two bullets in me. I decided that if they were going to be removed I'd it rather be at the capable hands of Dr Harper and therefore in a much more modern, and sterile, environment._

_In relation to my condition it saddens me to report that the laser saw which I used to temporarily seal my wounds, is something which I found in the possession of Miss Guppy and Mr Gaskell, and it was being used solely to torture and maim. _

_In light_ _of this I decided to slip it in with the report when Miss Guppy wasn't looking and I'm quite sure that Dr Harper will have a great deal of fun discovering its capabilities._

_Jack, if this cryo plan of mine has failed, and I am no longer in the land of the living when you find me, could you please pass on my apologies to Tosh, Owen and Gwen and could you let them know that I considered them all, and I do mean all, to be more than just colleagues._

_Could you also tell my sister something fitting regarding my demise …. and not that I simply made myself look a complete fool to you, the others and the rest of the world._

_And finally …_

_One : Don't forget, you owe me a new suit. A bullet proof one would be good. Oh, and if it's in the budget, I'd like a new phone as well, please._

_Two : I haven't forgotten about that date that you still haven't taken me on. I'll take a chance and let you choose the restaurant, but I'm definitely choosing the movie! _

_I'm sorry if you feel I'm speaking out of turn here, Jack, but this experience has taught me one thing ….. to make the most of what you've got while you still have it._

_ I can't promise that if I make it back in one piece I'll go shouting the news of how I feel about you from the rooftops, ( after all, roofs are more your thing and anyway it would just be embarrassing for both of us ) but from now on I will try to make you feel that your 'attention to detail', shall we say, is appreciated in every way._

_Three : And most importantly. I do not blame you at all for any of this. I am well aware of_ _my own weaknesses and should therefore have shown more self-restraint in the face of temptation. I feel I have not only let you down, Jack, but I've let myself down as well. I hope that we can get past this and that you haven't lost too much faith in me._

_._

_._

_And last but definitely not least ... Jack, whatever becomes of me, whether I make it back to you or not, I want you to know that I have always, and will always, love you._

_Now, any chance you could hurry up and find me? You know how much I hate the cold!_

_Yours_

_Ianto. X _

_24__th__ March 1908 (now, that's not something you get to write every day!)_

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As his laugh came out as an embarrassing blub Jack blinked away the wetness and hoped that nobody had heard him.

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He sensed a movement behind him and was pleased when he found only Toshiko standing there.

She looked worried but he could tell that her anxiousness wasn't just reserved for Ianto.

"Are you okay?" She stepped closer but somehow still managed to keep her distance. "Have we found him?"

Jack slid the letter in next to the watch and stepped over to hug her. "Yeah, set the dial to defrost."

As she peered hopefully up at him he nodded quickly at her and despite his smile the tears finally came. "We've got him, Tosh. We're gonna get him back."

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tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

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"And you're quite sure this will work, are you, Mr Jones?"

Ianto stared down at the array of components laid out next to his mobile and the pouch of gunpowder.

Appreciative of the fact that he knew nothing of the skills required to assemble an explosive device he prayed that Charles would return soon to complete the task that he'd been forced to desert in favour of obtaining a small safe and the services of a local brick-layer.

As Alice Guppy stood with her arms folded to her bosom and still awaiting his reply Ianto crossed his fingers under the desk as he told her. "Well, without giving too much away, I'm pretty much convinced that if procedures are followed correctly at this end, then there is every chance that I'll be found alive and in one piece at the other."

"And they'll definitely be able to revive you, will they?" She looked most intrigued as she fished for more.

Ianto simply nodded, tight lipped.

"But how can you be so certain of such an outcome? What new wonders is Torchwood capable of in the twenty first century?

"I really can't say anything, I'm very sorry."

He wasn't sorry in the slightest. It was a joy to witness the look of pure torment on her face every time she failed to get her own way.

"Mr Jones." Her hands went straight to her waist as she huffed down at him. "I believe you may be teasing me."

"Look, Alice." Oh, that was a beauty. The horrified expression this received would be worth every second of the admonishment he was about to receive. "Nobody in the hub calls me Mr Jones. You can just call me Ianto, if you like."

Her mouth gaped unattractively. "I most certainly cannot! I barely know you. Now clear that notion from your head before I am forced to thrash it out of you."

He showed her his palms in surrender and fell back in his chair thinking _'bitch' _.

The sound of the outside office door opening diverted their attention and they listened in as Charles reiterated to whoever he was with that they would be recompensed generously for their efforts, then reminded them that if they mentioned any of the details of where they had been they would not live to see another day.

Ianto looked up sharply as the outside door opened again, this time forcefully banging into the wall behind it.

"Charlie! Lookin' good today! Oh, and who have we here? And why is he holding onto a jewellery safe? Don't tell me we're dealing with petty theft as well now."

"Charles, Mr Harkness. The name is Charles. How many more times do I need to tell you?"

Ianto sat up in his chair again.

"You are not to go out there!" Alice's voice hissed as she whispered loudly over to him.

He looked pleadingly up at her as he whispered back. "But what if putting me into storage doesn't work? This could be the last chance I get to see him."

"Very true." She acknowledged and looked almost concerned for his predicament until she smiled. "But you are still not going out there."

"_Bitch!" _ He thought and fell back again to sulk.

They continued to listen for a few minutes as Charles told Jack to mind his own business then went about sourcing him another mission to make himself absent with.

Ianto's heart was aching. Jack sounded a little different but it was still him; still the same flirtatious way with words, still the same laugh.

"Can't I just take a peek to see what he looks like?"

Alice shook her head but did seem a little more sympathetic as she noted. "Going by what I know of our good Captain." She was leaning forward, murmuring just loud enough to be heard. "And your desperation to have some form of contact with the man, I am assuming that the pair of you are not just employer and employee."

She took Ianto's embarrassed glance down at his knees as an affirmative and smiled as she shook her head. "That man's nature and his inability to control his libido are going to be the undoing of the Institute."

"Forgets himself in public, does he?" He guessed, fighting the urge to dump her on her backside just to get a glimpse of Jack before he left.

"Indeed he does." She nodded. "And do you know what the penalty is for having relations with another man in this era is, Mr Jones?"

"That won't work with Jack." He sounded almost proud of the fact.

"Oh, I am well aware of that, thank you, which is why the man is a liability. One day he is going to go too far and attract unnecessary attention to the Institute. Not only is he inclined to make advances on anything that breathes, but it is impossible to kill the man. It would be most embarrassing for the Crown if this were to become public knowledge. We are supposed to be a secret organization, Mr Jones, not vaudeville."

"Have you tried bromide?" He doubted it would work on Jack but it was worth suggesting it. "Or you could try locking him away for his own safety; so that he doesn't get caught."

"The second option had crossed my mind." She admitted. "But he is far too valuable in the field to us and he proves to be more effective than either Charles or myself in apprehending those creatures that we come across. But, anyway, this is all irrelevant now as his employment with us will soon be coming to an end."

Well that didn't make sense. "Should you be telling me this? Could we be compromising the future, here?"

"I have a Captain friend of my own; serving in the British Army." She continued. "He has made it known to me that he intends to accompany a new batch of troops when they are posted out to the Punjab later in the year. It is my intention to ask him to take Captain Harkness along with him as a volunteer. If he proves to be too much of a problem for them they can bundle him off to Delhi. I know of somebody there who will be more than appreciative of his advances."

Well that loaned weight to the story that Jack told about him being on a troop train in Lahore the following year.

They both looked up as Charles Gaskell entered the room.

"Right." He told them. "This is the situation. We have the safe, but nothing to secrete in as yet. The only brick-layer worth his weight in the immediate area can currently be found under a table at his local ale-house singing Land of My Fathers.

Despite his own desperate predicament Ianto couldn't help but laugh.

As Alice raised her brows at him he pointed out. "Everything that needs to happen at this end can be done anytime. As long as Jack doesn't get to know about it, of course. It's just the timing at the other end that's crucial."

"Hmmm." She was looking thoughtful again. "I suppose I could just keep shooting the Captain until the task is completed."

"I'd rather you didn't." He admitted; the notion reminding him of how painful it was for Jack to come back every time.

"Very well." She nodded. "Shall we just crack on with what we are able to do at the moment and then we can worry about the rest tomorrow."

"You and Mr Jones make a start on the report and then go through the details of the procedures to be followed in the morgue." Charles carried the safe over to the desk and set it down on one corner. "I shall finish off here."

"Thank you for this." Ianto addressed the both of them as he and Alice began to leave the room. "And even if this doesn't work I'd like a note to be made of the fact that you at least tried to help me today."

"You sound like you've given up already, Mr Jones." Charles looked up from the desk to smile sadly at him.

"Give up on Jack?" He pursed his lips as he considered the suggestion then shook his head. "No. Never."

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TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW

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"I still think it would be more appropriate for you to wear a gown." Alice Guppy peered down at Ianto as he stared up at the bank of doors.

"The suit's fine, thank you." He told her looking down over his body, stretched out in the casket. "Have you managed to contact the builder yet?"

"Yes." She nodded. "He will be coming here first thing in the morning to rebuild the entire back wall on the second level. I have also arranged for Captain Harkness to be out of town for the next few days so you need not worry about him in that respect. And once the wall is complete I shall deal with the brick-layer and recompense his family accordingly."

Ianto opened his mouth, but only briefly. To comment on her methods of dealing with people could jeopardise his own chances of survival so he opted instead for keeping his opinion to himself.

"I wish you good fortune, Mr Jones. And although your actions do appear to be little foolhardy I shall always remember you as being brave as well as charming."

"You have been very kind to me today." He admitted. "I'll make sure that you're remembered for this as well as, er, other things."

"You are most welcome." She smiled as she depressed the plunger on the syringe.

He drew in a sharp breath as the drug began to flow through his veins and stared up wide-eyed as she leaned over him.

"Good bye, Mr Jones, and good luck to you." She had a peculiar smile on her face as she added. "And give my regards to Jack when you see him."

And then she winked.

The last coherent thought to enter Ianto Jones' head as the sedative took a hold was

'_Bitch!' _.

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tbc.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : I'd just like to thank everybody that's reviewed and supported this story so far … it's much appreciated!

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Chapter Three

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"Jack, I'm sorry, we just don't have that sort of information on file." As the man himself stood there, arms folded, staring incredulously down at her Toshiko shook her head insistently for the third time in a row.

The man was being annoyingly persistent in the midst of his on-going, and surprisingly undisguised, panic attack. And as much as she would have just loved to materialise that final piece of the puzzle that he needed out of thin air ….. frustratingly, she couldn't.

"The data in the system only goes back as far as nineteen eighty." She reiterated for him, adding. "There should be micro-fiche documentation somewhere in the archives that may possibly go back as far as nineteen seventy six, but before that? I'm afraid you're going to need the original log."

In a sudden moment of clarity Jack smiled broadly at her then disappeared into his office; returning just a couple of moments later holding aloft an old leather bound journal for her to see.

As she vacated her seat in his favour he nodded his thanks and lowered himself onto it. "Okay, let's see what we've got here, then."

She moved closer and fixed her eyes on the yellowed pages as he slowly and fairly delicately, for him, turned them.

As one piece of documentation after another was regimentally and efficiently displayed they both quickly came to realise that there was nothing to blatantly suggest that one might be of more significance than another. Any one of the occupants of the various locations could have something deep and mysterious about their reason for being interred by Torchwood, but you'd never know it.

Jack turned a page to see Nineteen Hundred and Eight written beautifully at the top of the next.

"Sixy nine, sixty nine, sixty nine, six ….Ha! Gotcha!" He stabbed a finger down at the entry. "Ianto Jones ….. you teasing son of a ….."

Without finishing the sentence, and now barking in that very distinctive way of his, he was already on his way over to the morgue.

"Owen! Get your butt out here, we've found him."

"Boss!"

It was all that Jack needed to let him know that he'd been fully received and understood.

Suddenly intrigued and abandoning her copy of last month's 'Hello' magazine, Gwen left the couch to join Tosh as she quickly reclaimed her seat and began to study the page that Jack had left on view.

"What have we got then, Tosh? Is it him?"

Toshiko read aloud as Gwen leaned over her shoulder to read for herself anyway.

"Morgue location. Sixty nine. Entry made on the twenty fourth day of March nineteen hundred and eight by C. Gaskell. Details of deceased : J. Bond."

"Ladies! Are you coming?"

As Jack's voice boomed around the hub and echoed back to them Tosh looked up sharply before snapping the book shut. "God, I hope he's okay."

"Well, there's only one way to find out." Gwen widened her eyes at her before darting off to follow the two men.

Toshiko scooted backwards on her seat then jumped up to follow as quickly as her heels would allow.

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TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW

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Thirty nine minutes later ….

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Time : 18:46 hrs : GMT.

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"Owen, something's not right, he still feels so cold."

Knowing she was indisputably correct, the doctor sent a shrug across to the petite Asian woman as she huddled up against the other side of the med-table.

"Well, don't look at me." He told her. "I've done all I can for now."

She frowned in frustration at him, and, although not intending to, in his eyes she had just managed to lay the blame for their lack of success solely at his feet. Consequently that pent up anger that had been slowly festering away in him for the last few hours finally decided to make itself known.

He flicked his head sideways to draw her attention to their suddenly stoic boss. "Tosh, instead of having a go at me why don't you try having a word with our 'been there, done that, seen it all' leader, here? This _is_ his fault, after all."

"Owen!"

Both women cried out loudly; neither entirely surprised, but equally as distressed, by his ill-timed outburst.

The medic's only response was to harden his stance and true to form, as always when confronted, he folded his arms defensively in front of himself.

Gwen stayed well hidden behind Jack as she made a zipper movement across her lips to suggest that he might want to shut the fuck up.

"No, Gwen! I won't shut it! We all know it's his fault." He rounded everything off nicely with a cutting. "As always."

As he ungraciously dropped her in it Gwen groaned inwardly and rolled her eyes at Tosh.

"Come on, ladies, you know it's what we're all thinking." Courage bolstered by supressed grief he wasn't about to let an opportunity like this go now that he had it firmly in his grasp. "We all know what he's like. Always so busy feeding that fat ego of his or playing at being Captain fucking fantastic that he manages to forget that everything he does has an impact on the rest of us."

He looked at the two women intently and pointed to the still lifeless body of their friend. "Ianto is laying here like this because the only person that Jack really gives a fuck about is himself!"

"Owen, that's not true!" Tosh cupped her face. She knew this would be the last thing Ianto would have wanted to happen. He trusted Jack implicitly and he'd made it more than clear in the report that he didn't want any of them to blame him.

As they stared in silence at each other the medic, the tech and their link with the real world waited for the inevitable reaction from their boss and consequent fall out. Having a bitch of a tongue and a temper to match when the occasion called for it, Jack could rip you to shreds with just one sentence. Then have you on Weevil duty until he considered you'd earned a reprieve.

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Apart from the recurring beep of the heart monitor there was just complete and utter silence.

Jack swallowed visibly but remained emotionally unmoved and standing in the exact same position that he'd been in for the past fifteen minutes.

He looked deep in thought and resting into the side of the med-table as he pressed two fingers lightly against the pulse point on Ianto's right wrist it seemed that the loud beep sounding out around the room wasn't enough to convince him that Ianto was still with them.

Gwen glanced warily at her two colleagues before taking a faltering step towards Jack then laid a hand on his arm as she tried to keep her voice steady.

She thought it best not to startle him, he seemed miles away, and as she spoke she made sure she was just loud enough for him to hear. "Jack, there must be something else we can do. Can't you think of anything we can try?"

His breathing was steady, there was so sign of anger or even mild annoyance and he remained silent, almost as if he'd missed her softly spoken words after all.

Finally he drew in a deeper breath.

His voice was hollow as he spoke and rather than address any single one of his team he kept his eyes fixed on the Welshman's face, waiting for just the smallest sign that he might be waking up.

"We've done all we can." He told them, his lips pursing into a thin line as he shrugged down at the helpless body beneath him. "He's been like this for so long …"

He broke mid-sentence to brush a wisp of fringe from Ianto's forehead before carrying on. "My guess is that his body's just taking longer than usual to respond in the normal way. All we can do is wait for him to wake up."

"And pray." Tosh added …. then the beep once again became the only sound in the room.

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Time : 19:40 hrs : GMT

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As Owen disrupted the calm by tapping on a keyboard, Jack glanced down at his watch. Almost another hour had already passed and he'd be damned if he was going to show it, but he was now starting to doubt his original optimism. Maybe this _was_ his fault. Maybe he'd been tempting fate by being so blasé so early on and letting the others see how confident he felt that they'd find Ianto in just as fit a state as they'd last seen him in.

Initially, just to have Ianto back with him and be able to physically touch him, had been enough for Jack. But with every passing minute he was growing less and less sure of a positive outcome and was now preparing himself mentally for the outpouring of grief that was bound to come if his worst fear was realised.

Owen had regularly been monitoring the subtle rise in body temperature and all the vital signs had so far been promising. But despite this everybody was still visibly on edge.

Everybody, that was, except Jack.

As the others bickered, fretted and fussed around Ianto he remained quietly hidden inside that guilt ridden bubble of his. He could feel the tension building all around him and knew that they were probably assuming that he was, as usual, applying that cold hearted and callous side of his nature to their situation rather than dare to show any kind of emotion like the rest of them.

And he knew that they resented him for it; knew that they wanted to see him fall to pieces in exactly the same way as they did, as if that would somehow make him seem just a little more human to them.

They were always so desperate for him to give them even just one small sign to let them know that he felt comfortable in their presence. There were the regular invites to go down the pub; the idea being that one day they'd persuade him to have something just a little stronger than water and then get him to open up. And if the socializing tactic failed they would progress on to the jokes about him not having a life and then consequently taunt him about spending far too much time at the hub.

And then questions about his past would start, they were always looking for a reason, an explanation, for why he always seemed to be one step away from appreciating life just as they did.

He'd given up on the idea of having what they all perceived to be a normal life a long, long while ago. And now, knowing that he was cursed for all eternity, the only thing he had left to look forward to was this playing at being the brave hero thing that he did.

So, for now, and for as long as it was necessary he would continue to keep his distance; ensure that his heart was protected whilst he just got on with the mundane things in life … like saving the world.

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Time : 19:58 hrs : GMT

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The other three had so far managed to swallow down their screams of frustration but, eventually, Gwen, with all that was so very human about her, was the first to crack. "Jack is that all you're going to do? Are you just gonna stand there all night bloody staring at him? There must be something else you can do?"

Her own guilty conscience was threatening to send her stress levels through the roof and she dropped the pen she was playing with back on to the desk before turning to face her boss. "Can't you think of just one thing that might help him? He needs you, Jack."

At last, they all got to see that reaction they'd been praying for.

Jack felt her words slide in to him like a sharpened blade which then proceeded to twist mercilessly; determined to increase his torment.

Did the woman really think she'd needed to tell him that? Did she really think that if there was anything else he could have done he wouldn't have tried it by now? And wasn't it just enough to know Ianto was like this in the first place because of him?

His face twitched as he tried to contain his anger at both her comment and for how hypocritical she was being. "Yes, Gwen, he needs me. Do you really think I don't know that?"

He looked up to address all three of them. "Do you all really think I'm just standing here not bothered by any of this? If I'd have thought of an answer I would have shared it with you by now. So will you all just get off my back and let me deal with this in my own way! Okay?"

Finally he released Ianto's wrist and stepped away from the med-table to send Gwen a glare. He couldn't remember the last time he felt as bitter as this towards anybody.

He gave a disbelieving snort as his words shot through the air in her direction. "And like you really give a damn what happens to Ianto anyway!"

Owen jumped in. "Hey, hold up, who are you to have a go at the rest of us when ….."

He rounded on the doctor immediately, cutting him off; his face telling each and every one of them that he'd finally had enough of their attitude. "I do NOT need your opinion, thank you, Owen. I think you said more than enough earlier, don't you?"

Just because he hadn't responded to his earlier remarks it didn't mean that he hadn't taken them on board. Owen's card had been marked long ago.

"Please, guys, shouting like this isn't helping Ianto." Tosh took hold of one ever so slightly warmer hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "What if this is like a coma, he could be laying here listening to every word we're saying. He wouldn't want us to be like this because of him."

"Good point Miss Sato!"

Owen decided that, despite what Jack Harkness might think, he hadn't said anywhere near enough. "If it's a coma, then we could all be standing here yelling at each other for weeks, months, years even. What are we gonna do? Take shifts and work them in around the rift?" He glanced accusingly at Jack. "Christ, this is a mess."

"I'll go and make us all a drink." Gwen shot Jack a disappointed look as she passed him. "I need to get out of here."

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Time : 21:20 hrs : GMT

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Total time since first report was found : seven hours, forty minutes, fifty eight seconds.

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Gwen looked over at the mug still sitting untouched on the desk. Jack hadn't even thanked her for it, let alone taken a sip.

What she failed to realise was that he'd barely noticed her as she'd set the drink down next to him. He didn't recall asking her for a drink and he wasn't even sure if he was thirsty, in fact, he wasn't sure of much at all anymore.

This should have worked by now. He'd known all along that this would probably be their only hope of getting Ianto back and the fact that he'd had been brave enough to attempt this in the first place had only left him convinced that this was how things were always meant to be; fate had decided to give them all another chance at doing the right thing by the Welshman.

"I should ring Rhys." Fishing her mobile from her jacket pocket Gwen broke the silence and making the call to her fiancé began to walk back through to the main area.

Owen had been uncharacteristically quiet. Sipping slowly at his coffee he was caught up in thoughts that were only ever going to make him feel a hell of a lot worse than he already did.

The relative silence had allowed him time to replay memories of not just the last few hours but weeks and months and as he'd remembered one event after another the resentment that he'd felt for each of the others at one time or another had been eating deeper and deeper; gnawing away at him.

As he looked up to watch Gwen leave to make her call the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "Yeah, that's it, Gwen, go on. Why don't you just sod off back to your real life and play at being Mrs Fucking Normal? The rest of us can just stay here and deal with all the unimportant stuff, like our friend dying right here in front of ….."

"Owen! He is _not_ dying, so you can stop making the situation worse by coming out with that kind of crap, okay?" Jack made sure his voice cut over the top of the medic's as he glared across at him. "Just do what I pay you to do and try thinking of somebody else for a change."

Gwen cut off the call before it connected. "And will you stop trying to make out that you're the only one that gives a shit, Owen." Her eyes filled as she turned back to point her mobile in the doctor's direction. "Just because I've actually got somebody to call and I'm not a sad loser like you it doesn't mean that I'm just going to forget about what's happening here. I care about Ianto just as much as the rest of you, so don't you dare think you can say that I don't."

His grin spread from ear to ear. He was sick of treading carefully around the woman, as far as he was concerned her conscience was selective and he'd just been given an opening he wasn't about to ignore.

As he rounded on her; venom tipping his tongue as it tasted victory in the air, he pretended not to notice the threatening glare that Jack was sending him. "Oh, come off it, Gwen. We all know you don't give a flying fuck about the poor sucker waiting for that call, and you couldn't give a toss about Ianto, either. All you care about is getting Jack inside your knickers."

"Owen, that's enough! Now you either shut the hell up ….." Jack drew in a shaky breath and pointed in the general direction of the exit. "Or you leave now. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

The doctor spun away, his body trembling as he failed to disguise his rage. He breathed in calmingly then began to stare intently at one of the monitors and as he spoke again his tone was more controlled. "I am responsible for this patient and I am not leav …"

"Jack!" Making them all start visibly then turn to face her, Tosh snatched her hands from Ianto's body then replaced them just as quickly.

Holding on tightly to one arm and giving it a squeeze she told them. "I thought I felt something …. like a shiver."

As Owen joined them at the med-table Jack reached over to hold Ianto's right hand with both of his own. "Come on, Ianto, don't give up on us. Keep trying ….. come on you can do it."

The doctor lifted one eyelid then the other, shining a penlight into the both of them then turned back to check his monitors again. "I'm not getting any significant change in brain activity. Are you sure you felt something, Tosh?"

"Positive." She looked up at Jack and he smiled hesitantly back at her.

"Well, the readings are exactly the same as five minutes ago." The medic told her with a shrug. "Sorry, Tosh, you must have imagined it."

Her expression as she peered over at him suggested that at the very least she felt a little affronted by his remark. Over the last few hours it had been bad enough having witness the insensitivity displayed by every single one of her colleagues, but to have Owen now express his doubt to her over something as important as this was the final straw.

The last thing she wanted was to have to leave Ianto in the hands of this self-centred bunch but there was no way she could bear to be in the same room with any of them any longer.

"Owen Harper, I did not imagine it. I know exactly what I felt and if you are going to insist on dismissing me out of hand, then …"

She squeezed the Welshman's fingers just the once then stepped away from the table. "I'm so sorry for doing this to you Ianto …"

She began to leave the area, intent on going back to her post for now and looking deliberately over at Jack she ignored the others. "You know where to find me if he wakes up."

Jack lunged out to forcibly stop her but she quickly pulled her arm from his reach.

"Gwen." He looked genuinely concerned as he watched the tech disappear from view. "Go after her, make sure she's okay."

As the brunette nodded and began to follow her colleague back to their work-stations he turned before adding abruptly. "And make that call while you're at it."

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Once they were alone Jack watched his medic moving things distractedly from one desk to another. They'd both had a lot to be sorry for over the past year, especially when it came to things concerning Ianto but neither had stopped caring about him, he knew that, and there was no way either of them would ever have wanted this to happen to him.

Intent only on clearing the air he deliberately slid his hands into his trouser pockets to adopt a more relaxed pose then stepped over to the doctor. "Owen, I know what you're thinking…"

"No." He told him, not turning for even a second to acknowledge him. "I don't think you could ever understand the shit that's flying around in my brain right now. And do you know what's worse? Despite everything that you're bound to say to me over the coming minutes, I don't think you really want to know, either."

"You think I don't care about you, Owen?"

Upset a little that his attempt to diffuse the situation had been rejected his features hardened and his head pitched to one side as he thought of an example. "Okay, so tell me this. Who was it that looked after you after Katie died? And who was it that gave you a new purpose in life; something to live for again?"

The doctor kept his back to him, blinking away the sting as he remained tight-lipped.

"Owen, talk to me, I'm hurting here too, you know." Jack moved closer to stand directly behind him.

"And you think you don't deserve to feel that pain. Is that what you're trying to tell me, Jack?"

As Owen finally conceded and turned to face him Jack raised his brows, surprised at the comment. "Oh, I know I deserve to feel everything I'm feeling right now and more, but you haven't exactly earned many brownie points for good behaviour yourself, have you, Owen, so you can stop throwing that holier than thou look in my direction."

"Don't you dare compare me to you, you arrogant ….."

"No, come on, Owen. Fair's fair. If we're talking monumental error of judgement calls, here, who was it played around with the rift without considering the consequences? How many other people were you thinking of then, Owen?"

"I did that for you!" His face pinched; annoyed that Jack had dragged the incident back up again.

Eyes locked, they both struggled to rein back their anger; an anger that was threatening to manifest itself as something much more painful.

All Jack really wanted was to just let this go once and for all; let him off the hook again. He cared about this young man, he'd always made allowances for his sometimes aloof nature and quick temper and had given him one final chance after another but now, after this one comment, he knew that the time had come to allow him to see how deep his own resentment went.

On that day Owen had been disloyal, had broken his trust …. had murdered him, yet only days after the event he'd held him and forgiven him.

Had the doctor learned his lesson? It seemed he was still in denial about his motives and was still under the illusion that his actions on that day were justified.

"No, Owen." Realising the importance of remaining calm for now Jack slowly shook his head at him. "It wasn't for me or for Tosh that you did that. You simply convinced yourself that you were in love with a woman that you barely knew then ripped a massive hole in time itself thinking it would bring her back to you."

Still refusing to acknowledge the fact, Owen seemed quite content to stare absently into space as he was reminded. "But it wasn't Diane that stepped through that hole, was it! Oh no, it was something much more spectacular than that! Have you any idea how it feels to have the life drained out of you over and over and over again, Owen? 'Cause now, thanks to you …. I know exactly how that feels."

The medic withered visibly, right there in front of him. Jack might just as well have landed one of those size twelve's right between his legs. It wouldn't have hurt him any the less or left him with any less air in his lungs.

"God, Jack, I'm sorry."

And Jack knew that, finally, he was.

As Owen staggered back the larger man quickly stepped closer and held him again, just like the last time and just as forgivingly.

"I'm sorry." The doctor mumbled again, his face buried in Jack's shoulder.

"I know." Jack told him, pressing his cheek hard onto the side of his head. "This is all done with now, okay? Not another word."

As he rocked the medic in his arms he gazed over his shoulder at the other young man in his life and felt his heart constrict. "Owen, how did I manage to get it so wrong? Why didn't I see this coming?"

"I don't know, Jack." He raised his head to look over at Ianto, still lying there, still unmoving. "You know him just as well as I do. You must have known he was bound to go down this road again eventually, so why weren't you looking out for the signs? Surely you must have realised that using him for a quick shag when you felt like it was never going to be enough for him; not with Gwen always on hand to knock his confidence, anyway."

Although his tone was calmer and not intended to be confrontational in any way the accusation was still there making itself heard loud and clear. He still wanted Jack to know that deep down he held him responsible for this.

"You really think I don't care about him, don't you." The Captain's shoulders fell, defeated. "Do you honestly believe I wanted this to happen to him?"

"Well, if we _are_ being totally honest here, I don't think you even know yourself what you want anymore, Jack. You seem like you've lost your way a bit. Since you came back you've not been the same man. I don't know what the fuck happened to you while you were away but I can tell you this, taking people for granted like you have been doing and just using them for what _you_ need is not the way to keep friends."

The change in Jack's demeanour told him that he'd hit on something, had found a raw nerve and as he continued to stare, perplexed, at him he decided it might be a good time to let him know a few more home truths. "That kid waited for you, Jack. He carried on in your name, sat in your chair, slept in your bed; was unwilling to admit that you might really have left us, and him, for good. And what do you do? You just come swanning back in here, carry on abusing his loyalty and treat him like he's your personal fucking slave."

He looked over to Ianto and then back to Jack. "I'm sorry, mate, you're gonna hate me for saying this, but you need to hear it anyway. You know the best thing you could have done for him? Stayed away. Because despite what he believes ….. with how you are at the moment? … You're no fucking good for him."

Jack drew in a sudden gasp of air. The words had hurt even more than he'd been expecting them to, yet he found himself admiring Owen's courage in having the balls to say it.

With his face devoid of all emotion he found himself admitting. "Maybe you're right."

As they stared silently at each other, both drowning in guilt, the quietness was suddenly broken.

"Er, do I get a say in all of this?"

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TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW

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tbc.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

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It was one second. Just one split second of logical thought being swallowed up by this gooey marshmallow-like substance that had taken it upon itself to masquerade as a frontal lobe and as Ianto lay there unable to do anything but wait for him Jack wondered if the whole wide world was moving in slow motion or if it was just him.

In reality it lasted just a fraction longer than a blink and the moment was over as quickly as it had arrived and after one quick look back to Owen Jack found himself calling out loudly to the absent members of his team.

In the next instant he was grasping onto a barely warm hand that twisted to find him; its fingers feeling around desperately, needing to make contact with something familiar.

"Oh, thank God for that." Finally revealing just how worried he'd really been, the doctor took up his position on the opposite side of the table.

As an excited commotion sounded from just outside Jack leaned directly over Ianto hoping for a reaction.

Eyes still closed he looked as if he was still sleeping peacefully but Jack knew otherwise. The voice may have been quiet and somewhat croaky but there had been no mistaking that accent; it was definitely Ianto that had posed that question.

"Hey, how ya doing'?" He willed him with everything he had, hoping for any form of response. "Ianto, you've made it, you're back with us. Come on; say something else, will ya?"

The eyelids fluttered just ever so slightly.

"Owen?" Jack just wanted confirmation that he hadn't imagined it.

"Yep, it's okay, I saw it." He confirmed. "Just keep talking to him, Jack, let him hear your voice." He looked encouragingly at his boss.

Jack squeezed Ianto's hand just a little tighter to reassure him that he was right there with him. "Oh, Iantohhhhh, come on, it's me, Jack."

Nothing.

"Hey, come on. Do you know how long I've had to go without a decent cup of coffee?"

The lids flickered again then two tired looking eyes were peering up at him.

"Ah, yeah, now that's more like it." Jack gave Ianto's hand a little shake. "Welcome back." He leaned in a little further so that he was directly over him and smiled.

The pale blue eyes stared up at him, trying to focus and a familiar pair of lips that he was quite fond of curled just slightly at the corners.

Owen watched the two men as they shared an almost intimate look and suddenly felt very much in the way. "Penlight. I need my penlight." He muttered to himself and turned to fetch it.

With Jack completely shadowing him Ianto slowly blinked a few times. He'd decided that clearing his vision would be a great bonus, after all, it wasn't just the sight of Jack he wanted to take in, he was just as eager to convince himself that this whole thing was real.

Tosh and Gwen bustled into the room.

With a beam so broad it would have dislocated any normal person's jaw, Jack straightened to greet them.

Ianto gripped down hard onto Jack's hand as he found himself squinting at the harsh light above him.

"Owen, it's too bright for him." Jack shielded his eyes with one hand until the medic had successfully managed to dim the glare.

He slowly lifted his palm from Ianto's face. "Okay now?"

He nodded quickly, hoping to put Jack's mind at rest, and allowed his eyes to drift lazily from one spot to another, taking in the immediate area.

He realised he felt weird, and dreamy, like he'd just woken up from having a general anaesthetic.

Oh, okay. Is that what had happened, then? He wondered. The whole adventure with Alice? He'd just been dreaming while sedated? Well that would be disappointing to say the least.

"Good to have you back with us, mate." Owen was moving a stethoscope from one spot to another as he listened for any abnormalities. "You up to trying some water for me?"

Ianto swallowed once before attempting to answer but after his earlier efforts a weak rasping noise was all that sounded from the back of his throat.

"Ianto, it's okay, you don't have to speak if it's too painful. Here ….." Jack slid an arm under his shoulders and raised him slightly, allowing him to sip at the straw that Owen was already steadying in front of him.

He drew a small amount of the liquid into his mouth then swallowed carefully before taking another sip.

"I made it then." He noted huskily as Owen drew the cup away.

"'Course you did. I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away from me for long." Jack waited for the groan.

Ianto didn't groan but he managed to draw a chuckle from the others by over-accentuating his customary eye-roll. "You're still the same Jack, the ….." Realising he sounded truly terrible, he thought he'd give up talking for now.

Jack looked up at the medic again. "Owen, isn't there something you can give him? It's making my throat hurt just listening to him."

"Sorry, Jack." Owen shone the penlight into first one eye then the other then depressed the end of it before looking back up to the Captain. "I've got more important things to worry about first. You can interrogate him as much as you like later; just as soon as I'm done here, in fact, okay?"

With what seemed to have been an eternity of not knowing and his anxiety levels going through the roof Jack had struggled to keep his emotions in check and now with this latest taunt from Owen he finally let his cool exterior slip.

The table rocked as he slammed both hands down hard onto it. "That's not why I'm asking, dammit! Now give him something to ease his throat."

"Jack ….." As Jack unintentionally rocked them together Ianto gripped his forearm to get his attention before shaking his head from side to side. The last thing he needed was these two rowing about him. "In the cupboard." His eyes closed then he swallowed slowly. "Next to the frid ….." The word died in his throat and he paused again to clear it before trying again. "Honey. Could you mix some with some warm water for me?"

"Well, that's gotta be the first time I've ever heard you call anyone honey, tea-boy." Owen was grinning down at the Welshman as he removed the pads still clinging on tightly to the expanse of hair beneath his shirt. "Still, I s'pose if it was gonna be anybody it would be him."

He locked eyes with Jack to give what he knew was an insincere smile, then, frustrated with the situation; he forgot himself and ripped the pads angrily from Ianto's chest.

"Owwwww ….."

At least two of them had come away with hair still attached and the exclamation had been Ianto's best attempt at making his displeasure known, but annoyingly it had come out as just a soft rasp.

As it became apparent that an "oops" was the only apology he was ever going to get from the medic, he began to muse over which of the cheap and cheerful instant decaf brands would taste the nastiest.

"Tosh. Did you get that? The cupboard next to the fridge." Pressing his palms together Jack peered beseechingly along to her.

Before she left she quickly skirted the table to smile down at Ianto. "Are you okay? God you've had us all worried!"

"Yep, I'm fine." He managed to croak as the small woman reached across him; trying to hug as best she could.

"I'll be right back, okay? And no more disappearing acts while I'm gone." She gave him one final squeeze before disappearing off to find the honey.

It hadn't escaped his attention that Jack was holding his hand again. It was unexpected and he wondered if maybe this, what he was experiencing now, was the dream. After all, Jack would normally have left all of the hand holding tasks to Gwen.

He suddenly remembered they hadn't been getting on so well lately, so he would be the last person she'd want to comfort. Still, Jack was making a pretty good job of it so far, so who was he to complain?

"Hello, Ianto."

Gwen stood sheepishly at the bottom of the med-table peering along at her fellow countryman.

Ianto silently pitched his chin down towards his chest to acknowledge her greeting.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, almost sounding sincere.

He nodded down at her again, this time adding a small smile of his own and hoped that it didn't make her feel too guilty.

"I'll, er …." Her face pinched awkwardly as she pointed over her shoulder. "I'm just gonna go and help Tosh …."

He blinked and in a blur of flying dark locks and leather jacket, she was gone.

"Jack?" He'd noticed that, although still staring down at him, his boss was miles away and shook his hand slightly to get his attention. "You're quiet. Is everything okay?"

"Ianto …" Owen quickly looked back at him. "Don't encourage him, mate; he'll make a start on giving you that third degree if you're not careful and I don't want him doing anything that's gonna stress you out."

Ianto tipped his head back to watch the doctor as he stepped over to stand above him at the top of the table.

As he pitched forward he peered down with an upside down version of that wide grin of his. "I, on the other hand, as your doctor, am not exempt from asking you any questions whatsoever, so ….."

"Owen, come on, leave it for now." Jack sounded resigned as the sigh left him, but his eyes held an ominous threat that the medic knew only too well.

Ignoring the look on the grounds that it was now or never, he decided to take a chance. "Come on Jack. I'm not asking him to speak. All he needs to do is nod or shake his head for me." He looked back down at the patient. "You're okay with that, aren't you mate?"

Before either of them could object he snapped. "Okay, Ianto, come on, out with it. Did you hear what I was saying to Jack or not?"

"Owen, I said leave it." The voice was almost as threatening as the snarl. "Now, have I made myself clear this time?"

A face off commenced across the table and Jack's top lip twitched as they attempted to outstare each other.

The patient below gave a weary sigh then held a hand up between the two of them.

"What?"

The loud and unified shout down at him made him visibly flinch and suddenly aware of how inconsiderate they were being they both guiltily looked down to offer their mumbled apologies.

Ianto let his arm drop back down to his side with a thud and shook his head slowly and despairingly before catching the doctor's eye. "I heard more than enough, Owen." The rasp caused his throat to sing painfully but he carried on regardless. "And for the record; you're wrong."

He quickly cleared his throat again. "I don't care how you feel about Jack ….." He paused as his voice faded to a croak again. "I'm glad he came back, he belongs here." He wanted to add 'with me' but thought that might prove a little too embarrassing all round.

Owen took one glance at the conflicting emotions playing across Jack's face and realised far too late that he'd probably pushed him just a little too far today.

As Ianto's words hung in the air they were followed by an uneasy silence and as he watched the two men staring searchingly at one another Owen shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

He begged silently for a means of escape and it seemed his prayers were instantly answered as Tosh and Gwen returned to join them; their giggling breaking up the awkward atmosphere.

"I hope this isn't too hot, Ianto. Give it a go for me and see what you think."

Walking up to the table, Tosh glanced over at Jack. Obviously something had been discussed while she'd been away and from the look on his face she was hazarding a guess that the game of words hadn't gone his way.

She smiled warmly at Ianto as she presented him with the glass of liquid and as Jack carefully lifted him again they watched him as he sipped several times at the soothing drink.

"It's good. Thanks, Tosh." He told her already sounding better.

"No problem." She took the glass from him and brushed her fingers across his forehead, teasing his fringe out of the way. "I'm just so relieved you're back with us again."

"It's good to be back." He returned her smile before frowning up at Jack. "But you took your bloody time about it, didn't you?"

"Me? Took my time?"

Jack, in returning him to his original prone position, seemed delighted by the taunt. He didn't want to jump the gun but if that remark was anything to go by then Ianto was already back to his old self. And even if he wasn't quite there, and it was merely just a case of him being his usual considerate self and trying to lift the atmosphere, at least the honey had done the trick; he was sounding so much better already, so that was something, at least.

He was guessing that Ianto knew him pretty well and would be waiting for some sort of come back from him. Deciding that keeping him talking might speed up his recovery even further, he fed him a line. "Well, if you'd bothered do the math, Ianto, you'd have realised it's taken me eight hours tops to sort out this little mess of _yours_."

He'd made sure the tone of his voice was teasing and had poked him lightly in the ribs as he'd emphasised the word 'yours'.

Ianto gave a sniff of disinterest as he turned away but the merest hint of a self-satisfied smirk was starting to show.

As Jack smiled knowingly at him he turned back and cleared his throat in preparation. "Actually, I did do the necessary mathematics, Sir, and I think you'll find that it's actually taken you eight hundred and seventy four thousand, two hundred and 'eight' ... hours."

A hush fell over the room. There was just complete and utter silence and what was once a distinctly self-satisfied smile to begin with was suddenly becoming very smug.

A hundred years ago when he'd been working out the equation this was the sort of reaction he'd been hoping for. "One hundred years …" He continued beginning to sound more like his old self with every word. "Of which, twenty five were leap years, plus your eight hours today, Sir. That comes to eight hundred and seventy four thousand, two hundred and eight hours."

Owen immediately leaned over him. "D'you know what, Ianto? Sometimes you scare the sodding shit out of me."

Jack laughed, impressed, as Ianto grinned up at the astonished medic.

"Okay, people." Jack clapped loudly, twice. "Now that he appears to be back on form I think myself and Mr Jones, here, might have a few things to discuss."

He looked pointedly at each of the other three team members in turn. "So, if you all wouldn't mind?" One arm swept dramatically through the air in the general direction of their workstations.

Tosh nodded at Jack and told Ianto she'd catch up with him soon.

Gwen waved quietly at him from a distance.

Owen turned and began to study some paperwork.

Jack, with one brow raised, shared a look with Ianto but said nothing.

The doctor began to hum contentedly as he busied himself, tidying away his instruments and clattering noisily around in the metal tray as he did so.

Ianto saw the irritated look on Jack's face and sucked his lips inward in an effort to stop himself from laughing.

"Owen. Either you are out of my sight within the next three seconds or you will find yourself on cell duty for the rest of the year. And I think you know whose cell I'm referring to."

Eyes wide, the medic snapped a horrified look over his shoulder at Jack then stomped over to the exit.

"Okay, okay …." With a huff he turned back to point out. "But he's still got those two bullets lodged inside him. So, no funny stuff, okay?

Jack looked down at Ianto grinning.

"Was beginning to think he'd never go."

As he leaned in closer he took hold of his hand again. "You're getting some colour back in your cheeks; you're looking better already."

"I feel like shit." He admitted.

Jack smiled sympathetically and began to brush his thumb idly over the Welshman's skin.

Ianto froze. The intimacy felt wrong. Suddenly everything about the whole situation felt wrong.

He was lucky to be alive, yes, and it was nice to know that the others were grateful for that, but this was just wrong; he didn't deserve this, he needed Jack to be angry with him.

He snatched his hand away. "Jack. Don't."

As his boss stared down, suddenly empty handed, startled and confused, he remained resolute. He didn't want his sympathy; he needed Jack to hate him just as much as he hated himself right now. He needed that kick up the arse; a valid reason to change.

He'd fucked up today and at the very least Jack should be bringing him to task for what he'd done. "You can stop with fake concern now, Jack. I don't know why you're acting like this but can you just get the bollocking out of the way, tell me what you intend to do with me and then we can just get this whole embarrassing mess over and done with."

Jack's face broke into a grin at the absurdity of his request.

Face like thunder, Ianto twisted himself onto his side then tried to lever himself up. "I'm glad you think this is a fucking joke, Jack, 'cause I can assure you this isn't funny for me!"

"Hey, hey ….." Jack caught hold of him and stilled him before helping him swing his legs over the side of the table. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean anything by it. It just seemed funny that's all."

He looked him straight in the eye, showing his concern. "After everything we've already been through today, do you really think I'd want to punish you?"

Ianto didn't know how to answer. He could see things from Jack's point of view but this went far deeper than just what had happened today. This was about him as a person …. and he wasn't entirely certain that he was still the sort of person that Jack should rely upon.

He saw that Jack was waiting solemn faced for him to continue and offered him a shrug. "Okay, it seems I jumped the gun a bit and I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, so for that, I'm sorry. But that doesn't change the fact that I let you down today. I disobeyed you. Not only did I put the team at risk but I jeopardised the entire future at the same time. How can you forgive that?"

"Ianto, if this is anyone's fault it's mine."

"No, it's not and stop trying to take the blame for this. Can't you see that what I did today wasn't some stupid rookie mistake; you can't just give me a slap on the wrist for this one. I blatantly disobeyed an order and at the end of the day it happened because I was only thinking of myself and …." His voice had begun to break again so he paused.

As his frame sagged he sounded pained. "I work for Torchwood, Jack. Do you really think I couldn't have known what the consequences might be? I disobeyed you, for God's sake. I deserve to be punished for that alone, surely?"

As his head dropped, mirroring his body Jack finally got the chance to speak again.

"Ianto, listen to me." He tried to keep his voice smooth and understanding as he placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking it slightly to regain his attention.

Filling with tears, Ianto's eyes finally rose to meet his and Jack could see a pain that went much, much deeper than just the here and now.

He quickly found himself cursing the fact that he'd not taken the time to get to know him better and guilt overwhelming him he gave Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, though he doubted it would bring any comfort.

"Ianto, none of us are perfect." Deliberately warm, his voice managed to stop just short of being patronising. "I think you're smart enough to realise that you're not the first person to make a mistake like this. And I can tell you now; it's old and clichéd, I know, but it's true; you certainly won't be the last."

His smile grew wider as he laughed softly. "Besides, just because we all know that you are; it doesn't mean we expect you to be perfect _all_ of the time …so stop trying so hard, okay?"

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"I hope Jack isn't being too hard on him." Tosh topped up the first mug of instant and began to stir. "Poor, Ianto, it must have been terrifying for him." She handed the mug to Owen.

"I think you might find that it was Jack who was the terrified one, Tosh." He smiled his thanks then grimaced as he took a sip. "My personal view on things? There's a lot more going on between those two than they let on."

"You think?" Gwen smiled gratefully at the other woman as she accepted her mug.

"Mmmm." He nodded and chanced another sip. "Let's put it this way, I don't think it was just his constant supply of decent coffee that Jack was scared he might have lost today."

"You think they're serious about each other, then? I mean, we know that they, well, you know." Tosh smiled awkwardly as she blew on her tea.

Owen shrugged noncommittally. He never liked to dwell too much on the fact that Ianto had been braver in pursuing his desires with Jack than he'd been.

Gwen looked at them both in turn then gawped disbelievingly. "Serious?" She looked incredulously between them both again. "No, give it up, you two. Jack doesn't do serious, we all know that."

She didn't even fool herself with the half-laugh that followed, let alone the others, and her defeated expression on realising the fact made them both feel a little sorry for her.

As an already unfamiliar emotion, which was rapidly escalating into pity, swept through him, Owen found himself in bit of a quandary. He didn't do melancholy and he certainly didn't do apologies, but this was now proving to be something of an unusual moment all 'round and he felt obliged to offer some form of remorse for his earlier behaviour.

"Gwen…." As good a start as any, he thought. "Look, about earlier. I was angry and ….."

"It's okay, Owen. We all said things we didn't mean." She showed him the gap between her front teeth which more or less told him he was already forgiven. "Shall we just move on?"

"Yeah. Course." As he pursed his lips; nodding decisively he was thinking, _'well that was easier than I thought. Doesn't mean I'll be making a bloody habit of it, though'._

"What do you think they're doing now?"

In changing the subject Toshiko was hoping that she might make her two colleagues forget that they were very nearly on friendly terms. "Do you think we should pop back in there and intervene, just in case Ianto needs our help, I mean? I could take them a coffee; that might work."

"I wouldn't worry too much about Ianto, Tosh." Owen poured the remains of his drink down the sink and filled the mug with cold water. "Tenner says Jack's already got his tongue his throat."

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"Ianto, you do know that if you need to talk about anything you can come to me anytime, don't you?"

The phrase too little too late was running through the back of Jack's mind but he hoped that now he'd made the gesture, Ianto would see it for what it was; an offer from a friend and not his boss.

Ianto thought carefully for a moment as he struggled over how not to cause offence.

"I have issues ….." _'now tell him something he doesn't know!' _ he thought to himself. "And, thank you, by the way, but for now I think I'd be better off dealing with them on my own."

Predictably, Jack looked a little hurt by the knock back.

Ianto tried to look appreciative as he offered his compromise. "But, if I find that I do need to talk to someone, it will definitely be you that I come to."

"Okay, that's good to know, thanks."

Ianto was waiting for the big 'but'. He could tell by the tone of Jack's voice that one was coming.

"But …"

Ianto tried not to smile.

"And just so you know, I'm only asking this because I want to be able to help you."

Jack ran his hand back through his hair; however he phrased this it was going to sound like he'd lost all faith in him. "Everything that happened here today, Ianto, and please, I'm asking you to be honest with me, it's important. Was it just a one off? Or are you having trouble coping again?"

Ianto waited for Jack as he turned on the spot and hoisted himself up to sit next to him before quietly explaining. "I'm not dependent, Jack, if that's what you're thinking, and this wasn't me looking for a way out of anything, either. All that happened here today was that I got curious, my common sense went straight out of the window and I made a bad call. My fault, not yours."

"No, Ianto, I'm not letting you carry the can for this on your own. Today happened because of a mistake that I made. I should never have let any of you anywhere near that blasted ball. I failed in my position as your Captain and worse, I failed you as a friend." He turned to look directly at him. "I'm so sorry."

"No, I let you down today ….. it's me who should be sorry."

They sat quietly for a moment, both wrapped up in thoughts they'd rather not discuss, until finally, and with a sigh, Jack slid from the table to stand in front of Ianto again.

He rubbed a hand roughly over the Welshman's left arm. "You're starting to warm up nicely."

His face suddenly broke into that big happy grin of his. "Nice trick with the morgue, by the way. So, you actually went for it and froze yourself, huh? Wow, have to say, Ianto, that was a ballsy move!"

Eyes widening he looked suddenly inspired. "Hey, now that we know it works, I'll have to remember that one. You never know, it might come in handy one day."

Ianto smiled back but seemed a little distracted, as if suddenly the enormity of what he'd actually undertaken today had finally hit home.

"Hey," Jack shook his arm gently. "I'm really proud of you. It really must have taken a lot of guts to do something like that. You couldn't have known if it would work and you must have put a hell of a lot of faith in us at this end."

"You're proud of me?" Still a couple of sentences back he pulled out of Jack's grasp. "There's nothing to be proud of. What I did today was thoughtless and totally irresponsible. I should never have been in that position in the first place and I can't believe I let myself be tempted again. I thought I was much stronger than that. I thought …."

"Ianto, take it easy. We all have our good days and, equally, we all have our bad days and, okay, today has been a particularly bad one, but ….."

He trailed off as he took the stopwatch from his pocket and handed it to him. "Speaking of the good days … I believe this belongs to you."

Ianto faltered briefly, remembering how lost and lonely he'd felt when he'd placed it in the safe, then closed his hand lovingly around it as if he'd just been reunited with an old friend.

Almost immediately he offered it back to Jack, looking repentant. "You're not tempted to hold on to it, to teach me a lesson?"

"Funny thing, you know; temptation." For both their sakes Jack tried his best not to sound too preacher-like. "It affects different people in very different ways." He looked directly at Ianto, his frown not condemning, just concerned. "And I guess some of us are better at resisting it than others."

Ianto looked down in his moment of shame. He'd always had an inkling that Jack knew far more about him than he was actually letting on and in that respect was more than aware of the fact that he'd done some monumentally stupid things in the past.

But, if today's events had taught him anything it was that it was time to give himself a chance. Something had to change …. so why not him.

He'd fucked up today, pure and simple; you could never class what had happened to him as an accident. In making the choice he had, he'd effectively committed suicide, which ironically, and considering his past history, had never been part of his agenda.

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He looked back up to face Jack, locking eyes with him, determined that things were going to be different from now on. "Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear that that was the old me. From now on there'll be no more weakening and no more giving in to temptation."

"Yeah, you're right; I am pleased to hear it." Jack smiled and leaned in just that little bit closer. "But I hope that promise doesn't apply to everything."

As Ianto's face creased in confusion Jack nudged into him, his smile suddenly teasing. "I have something tempting planned for later that I think might prove just a little too hard for you to resist."

"Great, I've been frozen for a bloody century and all you can think about is…."

Jack flicked his brows. "Ah, come on, Ianto, you know it's what we do best."

And there it was. Jack's subtle reminder that an uncomplicated night of sex, here and there, was all that they were ever going to share.

Ianto felt numb. He should have seen this coming. What made him think that Jack would feel any differently about him, or what they 'had' ?

What on earth had made him write that note? There was never going to be a place in Jack's life for literary pledges of undying love, and now he felt the need to make it known that nothing between them had actually changed.

Ianto desperately tried to think of a way to lessen the importance of the words in his letter.

People tended to say things they didn't mean when they were dying, didn't they? Well, maybe he could get out of it that way. But how the hell was he supposed to get his message across without coming across as some desperate and inexperienced school kid himself?

"Jack, you know when you, um …"

Jack waited for the rest of the sentence. When nothing came he offered. "Die?"

"Yeah, die. I mean, when you know it's going to happen, how do you cope with all those emotions; all that fear?"

"Don't have any choice, I guess." He answered honestly but very unhelpfully.

"No, I suppose you don't." The Welshman admitted, his mouth pitching down at the corners as he considered the fact. "But do you find that you start thinking about, um, feelings? Haven't you ever thought that this could be your last time? I mean, how many times have you said something just in case it was? The last time, I mean, and then felt like an idiot later when you came back?"

He was waffling. And Jack was letting him waffle. In fact he seemed to be getting a great deal of enjoyment out of it.

Still, he knew he couldn't stop now, that would just make him look even sillier.

"I mean," He thought a little more as he considered his choice of words. "Have you ever come back and found that someone had taken everything you'd said seriously, or, for example, have you ever written anything down on paper that you've come back and regretted writing? That must be really embarrassing."

Every word he'd written, of course, had been completely true. But the last thing he wanted to do now was scare Jack away completely. They'd never been in a relationship; they weren't what you'd call lovers, even. And no matter how much he dressed it up, this would only ever be a simple case of an employee shagging his boss; but that had never stopped him hoping that maybe one day …..

Jack's smile was rueful. He slid his hand into his pocket for a second time then pressed a familiar looking envelope into Ianto's hand, telling him. "This never happened. Okay?"

Ianto's heart hit the floor with a thud. Well, at least he knew now, for definite, where he stood.

All those fancy ideas? Everything he'd imagined that they might eventually have together? It had just been a wishful mind playing tricks on a desperate man.

And what had he hoped to achieve by telling him that he loved him anyway? Jack never really wanted him; he'd even given him his letter back; didn't want it as a keepsake or reminder of how he really felt about him, even.

So, after all that it looked like Owen was right; he really was just his part time shag.

Welcome back Ianto Jones ….. and welcome to the real world.

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tbc.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Five

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Over the years Jack had experienced varying forms of intense regret that had been both deep and lasting. But nothing could have prepared him for how he was feeling right now.

Because now, when it was far too late, it was screamingly obvious that he hadn't thought things through properly at all. And the look of complete and utter devastation now residing on the face of the young man before him was enough to break his own heart into a thousand tiny pieces..

It was clear that Ianto was still oblivious to how irrationally his mind, at times, could work and in taking his actions out of context had, understandably, thought the worst.

He cursed silently, this was his doing so now it was down to him to sort out the mess before too much damage was done.

"Ianto …." He reached out to him.

He flinched as Jack firmly gripped his chin, dragging his thoughts back into the room; barely hearing his words as they sought to reassure him.

"I'm doing this for you, Ianto; I'm giving you the choice."

His eyes never leaving Jack's; he sighed inwardly. Great, so not only was he going to have to live with the knowledge of how much embarrassment he'd caused the man today, he was now about to find himself on the receiving end of his mis-guided pity as well.

He managed to hold eye contact with his boss for barely a second. "It was a stupid thing to do, Jack, and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." He pulled his face free of Jack's hand to stare absently down at the envelope pinched between his fingers.

Head falling back in defeat, Jack let free a long and tortured breath and as his lids fell in a silent show of sympathy for the sigh, it sounded wearily up to the ceiling.

This, he reminded himself, was why he no longer allowed himself to become involved; no matter how the cards fell, somebody was always going to get hurt.

"Ianto, you haven't embarrassed me, okay?"

His eyes still full of doubt, Ianto nodded mutely then shrugged as if finally accepting his fate. "So what happens now? I take it I'm going to be reprimanded in some way. And I suppose you'll have to raise a report as well; make an example of me, make sure nobody ever forgets how much of an idiot I've been today."

As he took Jack's open expression as confirmation, his laugh was hollow. "God, Jack, what a thing to be remembered for. I've risked life and limb fighting with bloody aliens. And what do I get recognition for? Disobedience, recklessness and a sodding love letter. Brilliant."

"Well, the content of that report, literally, now rests solely in your hands." As Ianto's fingers tightened around it, Jack allowed himself a half-smile as he nodded down at the envelope. "Who knows _how_ much I'll remember in the morning."

He gestured with another nod and following his line of vision Ianto pressed his fingers curiously over the envelope; noting for the first time that his letter wasn't the only thing in there.

Jack's smile grew warmer as he watched the Welshman up-end the letter before cupping his hand as five small white pills tumbled free.

"I ...…."

Jack was giving him the chance to wipe the slate clean? To make it so that today had never happened?

"There's about half a day's worth in each of them." Jack admitted. "And I've left the tin and your report in the bottom drawer of your desk on level two, so now it's up to you; I'll leave the choice completely in your hands. But please make sure you do what you feel you need to do, Ianto, and not what you think I'd want you to do."

Taking the letter from his fingers he held it up between them. "I don't ever want to forget this, but if me losing the knowledge of what happened here today means that you can move on again, then I'll do whatever's necessary."

"I don't know what to say." Accepting the letter as it was offered back to him Ianto let his head fall heavily and blinked away the wetness. "I don't deserve this, Jack."

"No, you're right." Jack watched his young archivist as he slid the pills back into the envelope before laying it carefully on the table next to him. "You deserve a hell of a lot more. More than _I_ can give you."

As Ianto cupped his hands, returning them to his lap, Jack took a hold of one and applying enough pressure to convey his sincerity he attempted to make him understand. "Ianto … .being with me? It's … complicated. _I'm_ …. complicated. But I don't want to be. I thought that when I came back I'd be living a normal life again; that I'd have all the answers. But the truth is, I still have no idea when this will all end for me, or if it will ever end at all."

His shoulders shucked gently as he laugh reproachfully at himself. "I'm still a mystery, Ianto, and there's not a thing I can do about it. I'm just rolling along from one day to the next but I haven't got the faintest clue what for."

Ianto said nothing but squeezed his hand in a show of support. From what he could see there was absolutely nothing he could do to ease his burden, but he wanted him to know that he was there for him; no matter how he viewed himself.

"And this …." Jack lifted their hands higher, interlacing their fingers. "Is exactly what this moment, right now, is all about; you're always there for me."

As Jack allowed the intense emotion he was feeling to enter his mind Ianto's eyes grew wider with surprise. Did he realise just how much he was sharing with him? They were never like this, well, never this close anyway.

He wondered if he should change the subject before Jack said something he might regret; save him from himself, as it were. But as the words started to flow again, deep down, he knew that stopping him at this point would never have been an option. He wanted to know every single thing about this man, good or bad. And for that very reason alone he was prepared to let him continue with this unexpected baring his soul.

"I need to feel vital, Ianto; necessary, like there's a damn good reason for me being how I am … but now that the waiting game's over it's as if I've no purpose at all anymore. I just exist … and that's all it's ever going to be, Ianto. I'm just drifting; I've no more direction in my life now than I had in nineteen hundred and eight."

Ianto stared, still wide-eyed, as Jack lifted his knuckles to his lips and kissed them gently.

"But I have you, Ianto. My rock when it gets stormy." He pulled back a little to gaze at him, his smile soft yet ironic. "God, you really have no idea how important you are, do you …."

No, Ianto could only agree silently, it was becoming patently clear that he had no idea of very much at all anymore. And the more that Jack was revealing to him, the more confused he was becoming. But the one thing he held no doubts over, was the fact that all those months spent away from the team hadn't helped the Captain one little bit.

He shook his head sadly. "That famous doctor of yours, he hurt you, didn't he. All that time you spent waiting for him …. all those years ... then he sends you back to us like this …"

"Yeah, I guess he did hurt me, in a way…." Jack nodded, his eyes misting slightly as he fixed his gaze firmly on the middle of Ianto's chest.

Ianto felt his pulse quicken. Jack had been so tight lipped over what had happened while he was away,was he finally going to be gifted just a little piece of the experience?

"Though not intentionally, not really." Jack was laughing to himself as he carried on, admitting. "He just told me the truth. But, boy, does the truth hurt!"

"Well, you know I'm always here if you need to talk."

The room fell silent and Ianto noticed that, as in his own words, his Captain was drifting; his eyes glassy, his mind elsewhere.

He gently shook his hand to regain his attention. "Jack, you do know that you don't have to do this alone anymore, don't you. I'll always be here."

Jack smiled, refocusing quickly. "I wish that were true, Ianto. God, I wish you could be with me forever. But I'm afraid that's one promise you won't be able to keep."

He gave a deep sigh as he continued to stare wistfully at the young man sitting helplessly before him. "I wish I could promise you something in return, Ianto. But I can't, well, not yet, anyway and, I'm so sorry, but maybe not ever. You see I don't know where I'm supposed to be; what I'm expected to do ... or what my life will be like from now on." He added the last part quickly, sounding derailed by the fact.

"It's okay, I understand." Ianto told the lie without hesitation. ... because if he didn't understand, it wasn't that he didn't want to.

"Do you? I really wish you could. It would make my life so much easier. But, please, remember this one thing for me. I might never be able to give you what _you_ want, but I'll always need whatever you're willing to share with _me_ … always."

Prepared to accept Jack's words as genuine, Ianto tried to smile reassuringly. But somehow something didn't seem quite right, something wasn't adding up; something about this heart-felt dialogue of his felt very wrong.

And then it hit him. No matter how drastic a situation might be, Jack would never be this open with him.

As the cogs continued to turn and the pieces fell into place gradually things began to make more sense.

Nodding slowly he sent him a small, yet knowing, smile. "You're only telling me these things because you know that by the morning I'll have forgotten them."

Moving in closer Jack made no attempt to conceal the satisfied smirk. "My clever Welshman."

And he kissed him.

Pressing their lips firmly together, then using his free hand to cup one side of his face he lingered just long enough to reaffirm the sincerity of his words, no matter how short lived they were destined to be.

As the lips left his, Ianto's smile was that of a man reluctantly admitting that he'd been played . But as the smug look on Jack's face grew unbearably so, he shook his head at the immortal; acknowledging his displeasure of the fact that he'd felt the need to play the trick. "You crafty bastard. "

This prompted him to remember something else that had been bugging him since he'd been back in the correct time-line. "Oh, yeah, and while we're at it, you've been holding out on us about quite a few things, haven't you …. You and Alice Guppy?. Best of enemies, were you?"

Accepting that he'd fallen quite a long way short of victory this time, Jack now gratefully took refuge in the welcome change of subject. "Oh, God, what has that woman been saying now?" Not overly keen on the idea of discussing her, he tried to deflect "So, who else did you meet?"

"Interesting young lady." It was a nice try on Jack's part, Ianto decided, but he still had this sneaking suspicion that the Captain hadn't been entirely honest about his dealings with the woman. And if he was destined to find out just one more thing about him today, he was going to make damn sure that this was it.

"Ianto." He was obviously hiding something; he looked awkward as he fidgeted uncomfortably on the spot. "The woman is unhinged."

Still not prepared to give him a break he went in for the kill. "No arguments there. And she's also armed and dangerous. Did you sleep with her, Jack?"

In making sure the sentence had flowed seamlessly he'd hoped he might be giving him less time to think up one of his 'stories'.

"What?"

That was a good sign. A one word answer always meant that Jack was on the back foot and on such an occasion he was always more likely to grudgingly offer something that almost bordered on being the truth.

"Simple enough question. Yes or no?"

"It was ….. complicated."

"Well, I suppose it didn't help that she hated your guts."

And with that little observation ... Ianto had him.

Jack's eyes sparkled, shielding a cache of special memories. And it appeared that he was maybe just a little more fond of some of them than he'd so far been prepared to admit. More importantly, it seemed that they were memories he was finding he could no longer resist to share.

"The fact that she seemed to dislike me so much? I think that was part of the appeal for me." He laughed guiltily as he finally gave in to the temptation to tell all . "And you know me, Ianto; always up for a challenge."

Ianto was tempted to say 'always up for anything.' but didn't want to take a chance on breaking his train of thought.

"She was immune to my charms, Ianto." Amusingly, he looked and sounded amazed by the fact. "Can you believe that?"

"Having met the woman, yes, I think I can." He nudged over as Jack jumped up to sit next to him again. "But you still haven't answered my question."

Jack looked reflective; a soft breath of amusement leaving him as he remembered. "I'd convinced myself that if I could change her mind about me, then maybe she'd change her attitude towards how she dealt with other life-forms as well. She was vicious, Ianto."

"A complete bitch." He agreed. "But in a fascinating sort of way."

Still missing the final piece of the jigsaw he seemed impatient as he prompted Jack a little further. "So, did it work?" He was desperately trying to picture Alice and Jack caught up together in the throes of something hot and sweaty, but it just wasn't coming to him.

"Not in the slightest."

He scowled into mid-air. The bitterness resulting from this particular defeat was standing the test of time, it seemed. "I banged the woman bandy for months on end, but she was still a psycho by the end of it."

"What about the other one? Any luck with her? Didn't see her around, by the way. Oh, and what about our Mr Gaskell, then?"

"What about him?"

"Charlie, you called him. Told him he was, um, looking good, if I remember correctly."

"I was there? Ianto,that could have affected everything. Did I see you?"

"You tell me."

Jack glanced sideways at him and thought for a second. "No, I'd never have forgotten your face, even if there was nearly a hundred year gap."

"Flatterer."

"I know, it's one of my many charms." He nudged sideways into Ianto as he proceeded to display how amused he was by his own lack of modesty.

Flinching, the Welshman shied away from him. "Ow! Looks like everything's starting to come back to life at last. I still can't believe the bitch shot me." He winced as he rotated his shoulder.

"We'd better get those bullets out of you soon, can't leave you war wounded like this forever. Besides, I think we have a lasting enough impression of Miss Guppy as it is, don't you?"

"By the way, she guessed about me and you."

Ianto nodded down first at Jack's lap and then his own; he really hoped he wasn't going to make him spell it out for him. "You know, that we ….."

"Bang each other bandy?"

He rolled his eyes. "Hmmmm."

"Does it bother you? That she realised, I mean." Jack knew how sensitive Ianto could be when they were out in public and could just imagine, now, his horror at the directness of the woman.

"Well, yeah, I guess it was a bit embarrassing when she first confronted me with it, but, to be honest, she wasn't as judgmental as I thought she'd be. It _was_ still a little awkward though, what with it being the early twentieth century. And the fact that, of course, you're a man and I'm a man and …..."

Jack forced a noisy breath out though his nose. "Ianto, are you ever going to admit that you're attracted to guys? You worry too much about what other people think, you know. And, anyway, what is so wrong with liking members of the same sex? It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, you know."

"Um, well, that's just it ... I don't like men."

"Well, you could have fooled me, big boy!" With a disbelieving bluster, the grin was back.

Ianto sighed at the predictable quip. "No, I mean, it's like … when I leave the hub, for instance, I don't walk along the quay thinking 'ooh he's nice' or 'I wouldn't mind having a bit of a fiddle with that' . There's no physical attraction there at all, it's weird."

He felt his cheeks begin to redden. "Freaks me out a little if I'm honest. I mean, what sort of a label can you put on something like that? I haven't got a clue what I am. I'm still trying to work it out."

"So what are you trying to tell me?" Jack made sure to keep his manner casual; he didn't want him to freak out any more than he already was. "That I'm on a try before you buy basis? You suddenly realise you don't like me after all and ask for your money back?"

Ianto looked astonished. "You think I'd pay for it?"

Jack shrugged hopefully.

He let him down with a thud. "Not a chance, not even from you."

Jack's shoulders rocked as he laughed out loud. "Gee, I must be losing my touch." Then with a sigh he smacked his hands down onto his thighs. "Anyway, I guess I'd better go and get Owen, he needs to take a look at you."

He hopped down from the table. "Oh, and just in case I _do_ forget ….. make a note in that diary of yours. We're going on a date next Friday night. Oh, and just so you know, and this part is important, by the way, so try not to forget it." The victorious smile made its return. "I always get to pick the movie as well as the restaurant."

"Hardly in a position to argue, now, am I …"

Laughing again Jack turned, intending to go find the others, but quickly, and almost as if he was frightened of forgetting something equally as important, he looked back over his shoulder. "Oh, and Ianto, do me one last favour, eh?"

"Sure…." He was nodding as he angled himself sideways to slip the envelope into his pocket.

"Next time you get the urge to wrap both hands around something …..….. give me plenty of notice, yeah?"

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TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW

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"Harkness? What the bloody hell have you done to me, you bastard!"

Owen sat down heavily onto his stool and shook his head in an attempt to dispel the drowsiness that was already starting to overwhelm him. Annoyingly, this just caused the contents of his skull to swim in an even more nauseating fashion than before and his face pinched with anger as he shouted out for his boss again. "When are you gonna learn that Retcon is _not_ the only fucking answer, you wanker?"

From just outside on the gantry, Ianto watched the doctor. He lowered his head onto his arms as they rested on his desk and remaining just out of the medic's view he waited for his breathing to even out.

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With their mugs safely on the coffee table in front of them, Tosh and Gwen were on the settee, leaning into each other and already sleeping peacefully. Ianto looked solemnly over at them as he approached Jack's office.

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The Captain was at his desk and he too had his head resting on his arms; the gentle movement of his shoulders as they rose and fell was enough to tell the Welshman that the mug on the desk beside him was most likely empty.

He entered without knocking and walked across to him.

Lifting the mug he noted that he could clearly see the bottom then set it down again before leaning over the sleeping man to press a kiss to the back of his head.

"Thank you, Jack. For everything." The whisper echoed eerily in the quietness of the office and, almost ghost-like, it seemed to carry along behind him as he left.

Standing back out on the metal walkway he decided to watch the others for a moment. The next time they opened their eyes there were bound to be confused looks all 'round. The last memory any of them would have would be of touching a sphere of alien origin, and, conveniently, they would all assume that they'd just lost several hours of their lives because of it. And in a roundabout kind of way, they wouldn't be far wrong.

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"Right, work to do." He gave a sigh as he realised he was talking to himself.

He knew he had a hell of a lot to sort out before he got to sit down with the rest of them; to wake up and feign his own amnesia. There was that bloody hole in his once pristine wall for a start. That wasn't going to be a five minute job.

The only thing he could do for now was to collect up all of the debris and shove it back into the hole with the safe, then slide that tall stationery cupboard (the one that had been languishing largely unused in the far corner for ages) in front of it for now.

It would have to stay there until he could get to their local diy store. Then he'd have to wait for the right moment to smuggle the bricks and ready mix out of the boot of his car, but then after that it would just be a simple case of mounting that lovely new notice board that he was planning on ordering tomorrow.

If any of the others took it upon themselves to enquire as to the whereabouts of the globe he'd just pretend to be as ignorant of the facts as they seemed to be; saying that the thing had just disappeared ….. which, in effect, it had … right along with _him_.

His suit was the next issue. His injuries were no longer a problem; once Owen had finished sealing him back up with the laser-saw (speaking of which, he had to make a point of hiding that little beauty away until a later date) there was no evidence that he'd been shot at all. But his suit jacket and trousers still bore the tears from where the bullets had entered.

He'd decided to shove both articles straight into the incinerator and had already donned the spare suit that he kept in Jack's quarters. If anyone noticed that his attire had changed he'd just lie again and say that ... it was strange, and that he didn't have the faintest clue as to how it had found its way there ... but, for some strange reason, the suit he'd shown up in this morning now appeared to be in the laundry bag covered in coffee stains.

The one thing he knew he really must remember to do was to erase all of Owens notes and, after that, the cctv footage from that very first moment that they'd all touched the sphere and until the present moment.

The only thing left to worry about after that was that Tosh might get the inclination to go delving (which she'd been inclined to do since she'd cottoned on to the fact that he and Jack had started to 'dabble'). He was going to have to pull a few more technical tricks than usual just to make sure he'd covered all bases.

.

.

Despite what he new Jack had assumed he was going to do, he'd decided that, no, he wasn't going to destroy either the report or the letter. They were to be kept somewhere safe, that only he knew the location of, and used as a constant reminder of just how close he'd come to losing everything that meant something to him.

It was important that he remembered just how stupidly he'd behaved today . And it wasn't just about losing _this_ life, the life that he already knew; it wasn't even about losing Jack. This was about him losing his self-control, giving in to temptation without a second thought for anybody else.

Today had been his wake up call.

The team, Jack and the Institute; he knew they would all do their best in keeping him safe. But ultimately it was down to him to look out for himself, and now that he'd been given this second chance … he was going to do just that.

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The sound of footsteps heading down into the archives echoed around the hub. And when the only noise that could be heard was the hypnotic trickling of water ,Jack lifted his head from his arms.

He craned his neck slowly to make sure that he was definitely on his own then fell, exhausted, back into his chair. This wasn't a day he fancied repeating in a hurry; give him a few hours of violence anytime over this strained emotions and guilty conscience crap.

To be fair he knew he couldn't blame Ianto for how he was feeling. None of this was his fault; in fact, he doubted if anything could ever be Ianto's fault. The man _was_ very nearly perfect, after all.

And if, in believing that his boss had willingly taken Retcon, this wonderful man's life would be just a little more bearable, then that boss was more than happy to play along …. even if it did mean he was going to have to go through the rigmarole of faking the necessary effects in the morning. Still, he'd done it before and he'd no doubt be doing it again at some stage.

He did feel a little guilty for deceiving Ianto, but at least this way the pressure was off of the both of them to feel that they had to try and turn what they currently had, in terms of a personal relationship, into something that it wasn't ... yet.

He'd guessed all along that Ianto wouldn't drug himself and he couldn't really blame him. There were, after all, a lot of lessons to be learned from today's events … and not just by the young Welshman.

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As he'd opened up to Ianto earlier on, he'd considered that maybe he was letting him in just a little too much; given that he was probably going to remember every word that had been said between them. But sensing how desperately he'd needed that small token of reassurance from him, he'd decided to take a chance on the young man remaining his usual discreet self. Ianto Jones was understanding and considerate of the need for privacy. And he were ever to mention anything of what had been discussed between the two of them today, he'd be very, very surprised.

.

.

He inhaled deeply as he stared down at the cardboard Starbucks cup now standing upright in his waste basket.

So much deceit.

And, as always, it had been so easy.

The cold dregs in the cup from earlier on in the day were now ten-fold and infinitely much warmer. He made a point of remembering to empty the contents down the sink in his quarters before Ianto did his first tidy-up run of the morning.

Staring absently across his office he wondered what the morning would actually bring.

The others would just get on with things as normal; quickly forgetting about the fact that they'd all managed to forget most of the previous day.

It was easy to forget, sometimes, that they were just good old fashioned human beings, this little team of his, who, despite his unwillingness to share even the smallest detail of who he really was with them, were still prepared to do whatever he asked of them. Such devotion was both humbling …. and terrifying.

He pulled open his top drawer and slid a copy of Ianto's letter from it.

This was the first of three that he had. This one would get filed somewhere not too obvious, but just enough out of place to warrant Ianto's intervention. At which point he would finally realise just how important his words to him today had actually been. Then, as usual,;in his own efficient way, he'd file it correctly before deciding to keep quiet about its find ... because that's what Ianto did.

The second letter was secreted away down in his bunker, waiting patiently for the day when he might finally decide that it was time to leave this little planet behind. At which point it would be placed inside his tin along with everything else that he held dear.

The third nobody would ever find.

Buried deep, etched inside his mind, it would stay with him forever. And, from now on, no matter how many times he was going to be forced to die in this never-ending life of his; every time he gasped back into existence, it would be with the memory of exactly how much Ianto Jones had cared for him. The Universe could do what she liked to him, but he'd always have the young Welshman with him.

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He was pleased, in a way, that Ianto hadn't used the fifth pill on himself. It was encouraging to know that he didn't want to forget his mistakes and that he felt strong enough to carry the memories of them forward with him.

It was just a shame that there would be no official record of what had happened over the last twelve hours or so; history would do well to remember Ianto Jones for just how very brave he'd been today. The decision that he'd had to make in nineteen hundred and eight couldn't have been an easy one and this choice he was making now, in facing up to his errors and moving on from them, was testament to how strong he was actually becoming ….

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**TW : TW : TW**

**.**

**.**

**.**

So, again, as most days, they would all survive. And the world would continue to revolve without knowing a damn thing about anything.

About how Ianto was brave.

And how Jack was wise …. every day becoming more so.

.

In choosing to remember the events from today, they'd finally both been tempted into making the right choice.

They could both move on in the knowledge that they'd learned their lessons well.

.

Because whilst the brave young archivist didn't _want_ to forget …

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His Captain, in his wisdom, knew that he didn't deserve to.

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TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW TW

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THE END.

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Thank you so much for reading. bwb.

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